She laid in the gurney
Waiting to see
What lovely silhouette
To peer in the window
With lustful eyes
Wanting
What he tried to thieve
Before
Chilled air escapes his mouth
As he lets out a sigh
And grips the frosty glass
With pastel finger tips
Bliss dances in his eyes
As he soars in
And greets her dying body
With his
He lies with her
His touch implores her to leave
To die from this world
And enter his lonesome void
Her withered hand reached
For his raven-black tresses
She could barely grip
The silk filled her senses
Shakily breathing, she inquired,
“Are you saving me,
Or damning me?”
He smirked and replied,
“I am taking you away
From the grasp of Death.”
He lunged for her neck
And let his oral daggers run deep
A scream was heard
From outside the room
Staff rushed in
To find a vacant bed
Soaked in crimson
The scream in the night
Was not of pain
But of ecstasy
Author notes
Option #3
Cyprien
A contest entry
- Darkwrite Extravaganza, Round II by Immortal Obscurity.
525 points, ended December 5, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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ok. back to read again, as I said I would ... these lines have struck me each time I have read this, and they don't just strike me, they tell me they are the crux of many things:
“Are you saving me,
Or damning me?”
He smirked and replied,
“I am taking you away
From the grasp of Death.”
At first, I ascertained a sophisticated differentiation like the difference between respect and admiration, neither being inclusive of the other, as damnation and saving, although opposites, are in many ways inclusive of one another, as is true also of 'taking you away' (freedom, release) from ....death ...
Damnation and Resurrection and Death are deeply considered within the poem, as the last stanza so vividly implies. The question is never answered, because it was never posed: Does she want love? With love, on any ground, is there even a question of damnation, resurrection and death as being even relevant, for does not love bring to all of these things a healing power greater even than the sum of their parts?
I think so.
peace to you
,,,Moqui -
first stanza and last three lines make this thing beautiful ... excellent... i like this ... i will return to read it again and again .... although the despair here is potent, there is also some hope and a mercifulness to it which I find to be anything but bleak ... the colors run together like a garden at a red dusk .. subtle things flow here, all the best to you
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Thank you very much. I feel honored hearing those words from you.
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mmm Hannah, I have yet to dream of writting about the calming voice of the night. mmm, beautiful.
congrats. -
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Thank you shmeezmar, you always make me smile
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“Are you saving me, Or damning me?”
Great poem, but I especially love that line!
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Why thank you Purplesuze!
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Hmmm.... This one was actually quite good... I loved the words you used, they made the whole thing perfect. Very well done, best of luck to you
Just don't forget your username in the notes! -
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My mistake. Forgot about the user name. I'll get right on that. Thank you for the comment!
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