Frozen onto my sorrow within
It clutches my soul like dry ice to skin
Blocking out dreams of reaching new goals
I try to hold on, but it's burning new holes
I am left trembling in blackened light
But if I be strong, I'll take the fright
Now tell me please, is it really a sin,
To give up and let your darker self win?
'Cause that window looks really good right now
Try to make the urge stop, but I don't know how
Asking myself, "What if I jump out?"
Without even a yell or a scream or a shout
Uncomfortable wanting that will never stop
I'm standing there wishing the floor would just drop
But this was not meant for my wanting to die
Just for one more 30 seconds of high
It's someone else's attitude
Hindering my dear sweet latitude
I never did ask for a feeling like this
To be stuck inside a demonic abyss
And that window is looking quite good about now
Try to make the urge stop, but I don't know how
Asking myself, ""what if I jump out?"
I'd be mangled and sorry without even a doubt
Author notes
November 10, 2007.... This is about the impulse I get sometimes to jump out the window. It's really hard for me not to. I don't want to die, I just want to jump out the window. My psychiatrist says there's something wrong with me.
username: Autumnsflame
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week ( POW ) by Arkbear.
750 points, ended November 12, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write something decent by Clockwork.
375 points, ended January 3, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So you're a poet huh? {{{PREWRITES WELCOME}}} TAKE 2 by Melissa Burns.
500 points, ended April 18, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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You are not odd at all, or at least, if you are then I am because I think we all feel some sort of compulsion to do something like this on occasion. I love this poem though - different as I was looking for, glad I got to read it
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i really liked reading that. i think a lot of people can relate to impulses like that that sometimes haunt them.
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It was okay. I liked the meaning of it. It reminds me of me a little bit. Just reaching that last final moment. Good work. Oh..and nice rhythm to it.
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Again, I love this style, the rhyme was great. This is a very powerful piece that leads me to believe you have a lot to offer the world of poetry, so please resist the window! This did leave me with a feeling of curiosity which lead me to think about it for a while after reading. Here is your score...
Total ~~ 97.2
A great score, I hope to see you next time
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You know...I did not get a feeling of deep despair while reading this, but more of a curiosity in the "what if" scenario, which made a lot of sense to me when I got to your author notes. However, I don't doubt there are a LOT of feelings "behind the scenes" so to speak. I'm so glad this compulsion you feel is something you're getting help for. As Bear said, we want to see more of your poetry in these contests!
Your poem is wonderfully written. I loved the rhyme, and you had a good rhythm going. I think you lost it a tad bit in the 5th stanza, but picked it up again after the 2nd line of that stanza.
A simple but effective and fitting title, and I feel this is a unique theme that goes far beyond just "suicide". It makes me wonder how many others are out there, who feel much like you do.
Please...keep fighting those urges. You have some incredible talent displayed here, and I would hate for the world to lose that.
Thank you for this very courageous entry in the contest, and good luck to you, poet.
Best wishes,
~J. -
Thought Porovoking ~
Well Poet, you have penned an interesting look into your life........this is a brave thing to do ~
I will say this bluntly......if you jump, you will not be here for us to read more of your great poetry.....and to hopefully help others who may need your help, as you seek from your doctor ~
This is a powerful piece to critique......as you mentioned the window looking good right now ~
I think if you are strong enough to pen something like this entry, then you are strong enough to know, that jumping out that window is THE LAST THING YOU SHOULD HAVE ON YOUR MIND ~
.....however.....I am not your doctor, and I am only a Poet who enjoyed your work very much ~
Please stick around so I can read more of your thoughts......but.....chin up, place a smile on your face......and know that life is really good ~
I am about to be foreclosed on my home right now because I can not get it refinanced.....my health is eating me alive, as I have been HIV positive for 16 years now.....and money is so scarce, that I don't know where our next meal is coming from some nights ~
My partner just took our 16 year old dog to the Vet to maybe be put to sleep.......so trust me Poet......if you have any chance for happiness,,,,grab it and don't let go!
Let's see how your entry scored in my eyes ~
Good luck ,
Bear ~
Title 9.4
Flow 9.55
Depth 9.8
Theme 10
Feelings 9.95
Grammar 9.8
Presentation 9.85
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 10
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 98.35
Great score!
PLEASE....NO EDITING WHATSOEVER, UNTIL AFTER YOUR OTHER JUDGES HAVE REVIEWED YOUR WORK!
:)
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Awww I'm so sorry about your dog!
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Please don't
or if you do make sure you have a parachute...Good luck in the contest 
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This is different.........a wonderful different!
I like this, and your explaination .......
Write on!
And best of luck in the contest!
*PEACE*
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