Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

love worn inside-out

 

 

 

 

  

a breeze
cannot be held
until
it falls
into a single
breath.
 
each river's path
is slowly-etched-
moving in stillness,

 

it drinks us
and we are quenched
of thirst.
 
sometimes

rain falls up,
toward a frozen
sky-

when a world
is upside-down
 
or love's
worn inside-out,

 

 
or the other way

round.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Just Rob gold member
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    I see Circles


  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I got lost in that first stanza ( in a good way ) just the thought of the breeze not being held, it made me think of the sound of one hand clapping, with the wind rather than against it..

    And rainbows, or maybe light through that rain, falling up, and a bunch of other things I gave up trying to name..


  • Perfiction
    November 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Touching, emotional and such reflective visions through this piece. You grasped a topic but I see holes in this piece, not in the poetic or the poem, but in the perfection.


  • Grunts Girl
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    and i am reminded not to wear my shirt inside out and backwards....
    but sometimes i do
    lol


  • LadyUnique silver member
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    someone close my mouth... it's gaping open...

    stunning!


  • Birchwood
    November 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    hahaha .. I love the confusion in this. Rain doesn't fall up. Geeze.


    • EvilKate gold member
      November 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      See. You so obviously have not done enough headstanding!

      (And that is not standing on OTHER PEOPLES head - of that, I don't doubt you've done a fair bit)
  • grm
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i have actually seen rain fall up, and the world wasn't upside down at the time.

    a good write...
    but i think you could lose the final line in parentheses...it would make for a sharper cut-off point

    excellent


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    November 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply


    i think that with love comes a wall -

    would be nice if it was glass and we could look right through it, see the clarity and realness, but the glass is usually smoked and warps the image behind.

    is a bit like the idea anne rice created in her vampire novels, as if by becoming so close you are suddenly shut out to certain things, you have to rely on the other to share, and sometimes their silence feels like a blade, but really it is just a pillow they are resting on, recharging so they can share again.

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    lovely.

1 - 12 of 12