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barefooted waste [ Rondeau ]

 
 
 
 
 
In barefooted waste, scribes bend hand,
Draw lines on tender flesh and sand;
Crucified stock-market prophets,
Selling arid bone for profit --
        But lady war is hard to brand,
 
So crows soon gather, scheme and plan
To scatter lies across this land,
Twist truth until it cannot fit
        In barefooted waste!
 
With moral consequences tanned
Media diets fall to bland-

Some refuse to feast on such shit,
Named Godless heathen and misfit-
But if not us, who else will stand
        In barefooted waste?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Author notes

Prompt: Iraq

A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a
sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a
refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the
same metrical length).

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think (Critical Honesty Appreciated)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Fug-azi
    November 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Score : 95%

  • Naridill gold member
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply


  • Laura Lamarca
    November 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Rubric Grade A+ (97%)

    Initial Impact/Reaction 8.5/10
    Originality of content 10/10
    Quality of Form/Rhyme 10/10
    Overall Flow/Syllables 10/10
    Ideas/Metaphors/Imagery 10/10
    Poetic Device/Verbiage 10/10
    Cohesion 10/10
    Understandable/Makes sense 10/10
    Overall poetic effort 4/5
    Emotion/Personality/Edge 5/5
    Last impact/reaction 9.5/10


    Well done!


  • vici377
    November 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    ok

    critical honesty...umm nothing critical here...this is f***ing amazing..this one grabs you by the gonads and don't let go..you have nailed it..I would not even attempt to try this form..my little brain don't work that way..lol..I think by far this is the best of the bunch..(just my opinion)...KUDOS


  • CitrineSunrise
    November 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    One of the beauties of this contest is the chance to discover new forms of poetry. I have never written in this form, but now I am intrigued to attempt it. I think you have centered this poem on an important issue - the role of the media in the march to war. Your point is well taken in this poetic message. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    November 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    You have done a terrific job with this form and this very tough subject. I think your refrain is perfect. Your syllable count is spot on and meter is pretty darn good. Wow. An excellent job.
    I have only attempted this form a couple of times and have not even come close to this. Impressive to say the least and a pure pleasure to have read and enjoyed. Well done. Best of luck in this round, though you really don't need it. ~Pamela


  • Fug-azi
    November 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Intial Score : 9

  • Laura Lamarca
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    L6 has 9 syllables
    L11 also has 9 syllables

    Form stipulates that apart from the refrain, all lines must be the same metrical length.

    Initial reaction: 8.5

    • EvilKate gold member
      November 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I counted it out so many times as well - bleh, eyes just dead tonight. All fixed now and thanks

  • Idle Mind Wondering silver member
    November 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very well done! Your form seems perfect and your content has a unique twist with a strong ending. I like this…

    Best of luck
    Ken

1 - 10 of 10