You know, I cry a lot of tears,
But, I cry them for you,
For helping me through
all these sorrowful years.
Time has passed,
And now you're on your own,
Time went so fast,
And it is hard for me to accept you're gone.
I really miss you, you know,
And i wish you didn't have to go,
I guess this is something that needs to be faced,
If only, if only, there was another way.
Author notes
This is for my older brother.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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just noticed.... you should capitalize the first word of every line no matter what
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take "that" out of line 8, let it read "and it is hard for me to accept you're gone"
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take the comma out of the 3rd line and "through" out of the 4th line... they'll read smoother. you might consider taking out the 2nd "if only" (in the 12th line) and making a 13th line out of "there was another way" it would read as:
"I guess this is something that needs to be faced,
If only,
There was another way"
Just some suggestions you might want to consider, but dont make the changes without thinking about it.... and i could see why you wouldnt want to make the last change i suggested if you were trying to keep the structure of the poem in three 4line verses.
As for the context.... im going to write you a poem back in response to this.... let our poetry talk, it should be interesting
by the way.... this is really fuckin good.... your flow and rhythym is 10x better than mine... im jealous
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this is powerfully written kiddo and holds alot of personal thoughts and feelings within it
well done and keep penning
love from your ap mum
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