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silent

 

I hear my dumb eloquence
these sighs that serve as words
and my tears as concepts
someone went away,
whom the silence can claim
  not you ...

I went away with the words that pronounce you,
but I’m not longer I... nor is my heart.

silent...
the lasting memory
of a lie I only feel.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • HisFinalFarewell
    February 11
    Edit | Reply

    vauge

    still good Thefourseasons is right
    worded well
    i like it
    could u coment one of mine??

  • TheFourSeasons
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    Yes, vague: I agree. But I for one, happen to like vague. Vagueness leaves the interpretation more open to the reader. I love your descriptive language! And you have interesting line/stanza breaks...

    By the way, in stanza two, I believe you mean "but I'm no longer I" not "but I'm not longer I", right? Or is it correct the way you have it?

    All in all, a good poem. Excellent work!


  • Peteskid gold member
    January 1

    Edit | Reply
    when a poem speaks from someone's heart it shows, and here you have used open words, not hiding or excusing things, and this is most eloquent, these feelings...PK


  • oldschoolhero
    December 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    incredible.


  • Grateful
    November 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the serenity within the silence is very soothing. this kind of poem takes me into another dimension. ending is just beautiful. i am glad i read it.
    all the best - Sukhdarshan
  • Eusebius
    November 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    A sad piece, poignant, bittersweet...and, perhaps, too many of us can identify with it? very deftly done.. bravo... bravo... bravo ....


  • Angel Full Of Hurt
    November 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow I hope

    I hope my poem isn't boring to you because this poem certainly isn't boring to me...this poem is incredible wow...to say that you're not a good author is wrong..you are good!

    Each line's like a rose!
    Sharp and nice!


  • Hopeless Rage
    November 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Not Short of Pain

    The memeory of a lie it is one that stays with us forever and it can make or break us or mold us into what life expects from us.

    Great Write


  • MJ Donnelly gold member
    November 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    “Sadly, genius is not always accepted, and to the detriment of, the ignorant few.”

    MJ. Donnelly~


    I found you heart's labor fascinating young lady, so my advice is; put off the harsh critics like the irritating insects that they are, and continue on through the jungle!


  • soldiersoul gold member
    November 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    sometimes vague shows the desolation of thought that fades into the night...i think what u wrote flowed well for someone passing...jus like me passing thru

  • leslielovesthomas
    November 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good! I enjoyed reading it so much
    Keep writing


  • Friday gold member
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    11 lines

  • LadyDementia gold member
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Great Write

    A good take on the prompt. Good luck!

  • Nicolette gold member
    November 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Quite a mysterious feel to this poem, Leslie...a poem where the silence speaks, screams and whispers at the same time. Silent... im itself that word says so very much. I hear the sighs here too... lovely and thought-provoking.

    ~ Nicolette


  • michichoeret
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    too vague

    try to fill it out some. concept seems interesting

    • Leslie gold member
      November 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      you know that is the problem with me...I'm to vague...


      • Midnight Blues
        November 21, 2007

        Edit | Reply

        Te Entiendo

        Sabes Leslie, hay pocos que aceptan lo vago y menos aun los que aprecian lo vago. No solo te entiendo, pero te admiro como poeta! Sigue adelante y no te dejes desanimar por esos que entienden lo artistico que es ser vago.

        PS- Tu poema, excelente!

        Ciao,
        Kristy
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