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Mental Enclosure

 

 

 

 Pause
of destruction.
Nesting within chandeliers
Burning ashes of dying flames
Spilling paint on the break of morning,
staining forced perfection.
On every minute,
conclusion of the clock

Targets remain unnoticed
Decomposing the roads ahead
aggravating embraced cages.
Outward callous conditions
Nurturing inner imprisonment

Life scattered, thrown like rice,
nectar a hopeless accessory.
Daydreamt of various nightmares
but led to absurdity.
                               [it's called reality]

Out of breath smoking -
Reproduction of addiction.
Clinging to moments of clarity,
Though constantly declined to illusions.
Something to fill empty space
yet it's all congested.
With vague thoughts
relinquishing paths ahead.

Momentary silence
deafening drained delusions
Configuring misplaced miracles.
Mounted complications stand in question
Neighboring compositional jury's,
wasted confidence suppressed
Overruled! consequences of disaster.

Effortlessly failing completion
Life in rewind
fast-forward
stop.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

I collaborated with Mike [degarmo]
Just one thing: Tough night - reckless emotions - piercing numbness.
Yes. It's just one thing.

Abstract is being able to accurately paint a picture that is not undestood at face value. The concept and ideas in this poem are purely abstract as it goes much deeper than what you're actually reading.

In a list

Now you tell me:

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 19 of 19

  • MYsecondchance
    June 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like this it is really good thanx for entering

  • DarkRomantic113
    April 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Loved the alliteration. Really played well into the poem.


  • Amy Meneses
    January 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was superb. I loved the flow of this piece, it seemed chaotic and ABSTRACT for sure. Also the resolution at the end seems to leave it’s reader as it started, “pause” & “stop.” I loved the following:
    “but led to absurdity.
    [it's called reality]”
    Wonderful edit, it really projects a sort of inner voice of rationality of the piece that seems to be irrationally rational.

    Anyways you are in the finalists!!! Great job! Please check out our group as well.


  • Naridill
    January 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    *poke* the last comment was by me

  • Naridill
    December 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A very intriguing collab, the phrasing is beautiful and you both write as if you are one and really capture the beauty of writing poetry as two. I love the flow, its simple but it suitable.

    Thanks for entering
    much luck




  • Nermin Nazim
    November 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    brilliant

    but left my brains in flames and scattered and so mushy by the weird perfection of this piece and the imagery that is brilliant, very sophisticate yet left me drained and feeling unease and a shock at the re-realization of the shocking REALITY
    "Targets remain unnoticed
    Decomposing the roads ahead
    aggravating embraced cages.
    Outward callous conditions
    Nurturing inner imprisonment

    Life scattered, thrown like rice,
    nectar a hopeless accessory.
    Daydreamt of various nightmares
    but led to absurdity.
    [it's called reality]"
    all of it is a great write but i was so much touched by these lines, so true and VERY UPSETING"
    i feel weird




  • LadyUnique silver member
    November 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    'deafening drained delusions' how can so much nothing make so much noise... good line same feeling for these lines 'Something to fill empty space
    yet it's all congested' how can so much nothing take up so much room...
    this poem gets better with each read


  • VirginiaDarling
    November 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that was gripping. You put all sorts of emotion in to this, and I think you done a fantastic job on this poem. Keep up the good work. Also I think the picture fit in perfectly with the poem.


  • Razor-Blade Romance
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very sophistcated piece.
    Nicely written
    I espically love the picture that you have posted aswell.
    Thanks


  • Sean Logue
    November 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Like it.

    Well written, like the 'rewind, stop, pause'.


  • parachute fog
    November 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    man this poem is shit.
    hahahahah


  • Grimoire
    November 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Textured intricately

    Amazing amount of emotional layering, and images are vivid and crisp. I surfed on the surface of this one...waving at the authors on the beach...(meaning I loved it and won't try to strangle a confession out of it to tell what it is exactly about). I have read it 4 times and each time it gains clarity, and different interpretations. This is usually the sign of a well penned piece, such as this is. I have suggestions about the form, some minor typos (jury's should be juries) etcetera....and the punctuation with the capitalization seems sporadic. But this is where opinion and suggestion are offered if you should want it, send me a message. If not, the poem is solid as is, though could be polished a bit for clarity and depth of meaning.


  • gcpirelli
    November 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent use of language to covey very personal emotions and torment, I can identify with this write it definitely lends itself to empathy. Thank you for sharing and well done on such an emotive collab.


  • moonbumps silver member
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    'life scattered,thrown like rice...' What a truly wonderful line...amazing write.x

1 - 19 of 19