Her eyes shone plastic hearts’ tin reflections,
rosa tightly curling 'round a stomach,
lightly curves peeled leaves in subtle sections,
for whom, creased mouths won arching backs;
Those ecstatic lips darted past, aroused,
milks' pressures pushing fabric over peaks,
leisure's sunshine kicked the buttoned blouse,
beneath, stems grew digits between their beats;
Emphatic care born, through nectar's carnal
sighs leaving, _Apis Mellifera_ pumped,
conceiving seeds to bloom his femme fatale,
by coming summer, when two lives should jump;
Breathing, to end at last, with fresher means,
Branches tipping live buds, to open seams;
Of consummated love.
Author notes
_italicised_
A contest entry
- Amera’s Anniversary Contest by Amera.
25000 points, ended December 4, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest, I promise it won't hurt;
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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This is a wonderful piece. The imagery is fantastic and the topic is one I feel passionate about. This is a high stake contest and I think you would have fared better if you took the time to spell check it. In line two I don't think you meant "rosas" the Argentine political leader. You are an amazing poet and you did win my heart with the image.
Love,
Amera♥
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No, no, I don't know anything about Argentine politics, lol.
"Rosa" refers to the genus under which roses fall. Most "rosas" are "roses", but not all. That and as I'd used the Latin/scientific name for honey bee I thought a little consistency wouldn't go awry.
So I can assure you I spellchecked thoroughly, although not so much for the contest as for the poem's sake.
Thanks for the HM regardless, and for the contest itself, and the resulting entries made available to read.
Cheers,
=> Jess
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Spectacular
This was, in a word, brilliant. The style, the language, all of it was absolutely spectacular. The slant rhymes and intelligence of the wording used kept it from having that trite, sing-song feel that sonnets and other rhymed poetry can often have. The imagery was beautifully vibrant and extremely seductive.
The only (and I mean the only) criticism I could possibly have is that the meter is irregular, yet in spite of this I would not for the life of me change many of the lines.
"for whom, creases in mouths won arching backs;"
That made me shiver.
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I've never been able to grasp meter, I'm odd like that. Or rather, I understand but just can't seem to make it happen.
And thank-you. This poem seems to strike a chord with people for one reason or another... when really I was just reading about honeybees on Wikipedia while my mum was talking about pregnancy.
=> Jess
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I Think..
this is very good poetry, it has a certain feel to it I can't explain, I was totally absorbed with the whole poem, and when I had finished I wanted to read again. (and did) WASP.
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Diving into this sumptuous cluster of words like a pool on a hot summer's day. Get out, climb the ladder, dive in again. Apis Mellifera, sweet honey bee, long languid drops of lustful honey! The budding branch of your poetry opens the seams of my mind. Words so delicious and sweet! May the honey in your pen ooze and puddle forever thus!
. Rewarded 6
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I've been meaning to ask someone. Do I capitalise Mellifera? I can't itallicise as I'm not paying for it, but I may as well get it as right as I can.
=> Jess -
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It would be nice
to be able to _italicize_ and *bold* characters, but like you, my presence here is for reasons other than lining someone elses pockets. I think if you were writing for a scientific journal, or even Discover Magazine or the like you would italicize those words, but capitalising the first letter helps, and, as demonstrated above, you can add italics by underscoring before and after the text to be highlighted or bold by adding asteriks. Not everyone will understand, but it is a convention for plain text messages that is widely accepted and understood. Certain words like "rose" on this site will actually turn into an emoticon graphic if you asterisk them, so after proof reading, you might add spaces like this if you wanted to bold the word * rose * for someone. -
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Thank you, I might _italicise_ the noun, but I'll definitely hop-to capitalising it.
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YOU. are a master. You are really skilled with the words that you use, and such words! But... vocabulary aside... I am overwhelmed. I wish I could praise this accurately, but analytically I'm just not the right powerhouse right now. Tomorrow morning, when I'm spry, I will read this again.
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and thank you. It's one of the better ones.
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