Intentions lying behind the evil things we hide.
[secrets that hold us hostage]
You gaze upon my pale, shadowed face
as it trickles much like burning candles.
I focus on the flaws that brought me to breakdown.
[a burden I only forsake for the call of heartache]
It burns me down deep like salt water to my wounds
&& forces me to beg my own forgiveness.
Forced into my own fierce feelings,
I share my thoughts of sacred suffering.
It felt like razors dragged across my chest
as I watched you cringe at my personal identity.
[your tears too consuming for composure]
It was honesty that brought me to this.
Telling you I wanted to rip out my hair
with the visions of my own disappointment.
Future, present, past -
all irellevent paradoxes to this cloud
that tortures my inner core.
[the carcass that was once vibrant, unaffected]
My bones covered only by ash
as these infestations scower under the surface...
[they feed off my flesh like canibalistic parasites]
searching, seething, slipping from existance.
My burden not so unbearable...
simply, seemingly necessary.
Author notes
I'm not sure. It just led me here.
A contest entry
- Give me Everything you've Got by CrystalJet.
600 points, ended March 14, 2008, 318 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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.Brilliant.
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Well, I like were it led you. Right now, I want to remind you that I love the way you always use imagery that just...is powerful. The turmoil, the hate, the pain...I'm telling you, this is hot.
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Very clever play on words. The imagery is powerful, beyond what eye can even see. Inner turmoil, suffocation of ability - the many facets of a devoured soul...
"I focus on the flaws that brought me to breakdown.
[a burden I only forsake for the call of heartache]
It burns me down deep like salt water to my wounds
&& forces me to beg my own forgiveness."
To despise the person we have become, from the pains that have ripped what sanctity once held; a common thread of evolution. Adapting to the nothingness that can be felt within. You have a certain way with expression that just leaves this reader in awe. Anything else I write would be an understatement. Excellent piece.
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smartly written..the imagery
consumed us...we weren't sure if we should comfort you..
or just leave you alone to let it all out.
you have excellent discipline and structure in your write, I hope you keep us accountable for that.
This is an excellent piece to learn and grow from, your
use of adjectives was revelationary.
Good job power poet, bold leader, you are a good example
for us to follow!!!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
(we just might have to stretch him and force him to
write a poem about helium balloons and the joy of
them- force him to open up the muse in him too!)
okay....whose going to be the one to tell him????
(not me!) lol
brillant poem!
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Wow. This was a deep and insightful poem. I love the imagery that you used in this, as well as the flow.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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I give clappies
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Future, present, past -
all irellevent paradoxes to this cloud
that tortures my inner core.
[the carcass that was once vibrant, unaffected]
my favorite part.
i really like the word usage you have here. leaves the imagination reeling.
also this is one of those that i had to read a couple of times.
nice idea, and overall very well written poem.
Abby
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