Defined,
not by antiquities
or accumulations,
this soul, helpless,
immeasurable,
disappears
into the void.
Author notes
14 word contest, I had to at least take on the challenge.
A contest entry
- 14 words by lee-sharp.
14000 points, ended November 24, 2007, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Detailed critique welcome
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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As Isaid in my previous comment, this is brilliant and worthy of a comment. I have had over 250 contests and have commanted on every entry always. I feel that is the least I can do when someone enters my contests. I always manage to find something polite to say about every entry. Personally, I feel that it is wrong not to comment , and when judging, this messgae always appears:
"It is common courtesy to comment on all entries"
So I think all contest holders should abide by that rule...
Brilliant poem, Scott.....
Lynda
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Like lee-sharp, I often won't comment on pieces in my larger contests. I have two contests currently open with 90+ entries each, and sometimes you have to rehash the same criticism to a seemingly infinite number of entrants... and as you know, many people can't take criticism and will flip out if you dare correct a typo of theirs. Sometimes, it's just easier not to comment. I just barely know lee-sharp and don't know why he didn't comment on this piece.
This, though, I love; for fourteen words, it says quite a bit in limited space, and I can totally relate to the thought. The thought of to whence the soul travels after death is confusing, scary, exciting... and you've captured it nicely here. It needs no more elabouration on your part; you leave some consideration to your readers.
"Defined," -- the comma's unnecessary.
"unmeasurable," -- "immeasurable," perchance?
"this soul helpless" -- I am usually a huge fan of noun/adjective inversion (thanks to Spanish influence), but here, it's distracting.
Good work & keep writing! When I get a chance, I'll definitely be reading more of your work!
Peace,
Cristina -
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Thank you for taking the time to give me your honest appraisal, I appreciate that greatly. It was a wonderful to challenge to write something profound in just 14 words, I am just disappointed not to have been given any feedback from lee about it. Again congrats on gold and keep the ink flowing.
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well done and good luck
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Such a feeling of void is created here...love this...Glad you took on the challenge!
All the best!
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thank you for the gracious comments, pleased you enjoyed my thoughts on the subject of ones soul fading into existence rather than living.
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death is as a presence in our lives as our lives...I feel we should never forget our purpose of life which is a preparation of the other world, but we still get so lost in the daily affairs...
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brilliant!
I love the emotion in this and the powerful ending..Awesome job, cuz
Lynda
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thank you for your wonderful comment, I am pleased you enjoyed the read, it's a tough challenge to compile a piece with emotion, and deep meaning in just 14 words. but you know how I like a challenge.
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Wonderful
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