Masosadist

Why do I enjoy inflicting pain?
Why do I enjoy feeling pain?
Physical or emotional,
There is constant pain.

It feels as if there is a demon,
That resides in my mind.
I hurt those I love,
Whether I intend to or not.
That causes me pain.

Though I don't feel regret,
Though guilt is rare,
The fact that someone I love is hurting,
Sears my heart,
Especially knowing I caused it.

The Darkness threatens to swallow me,
And I would have given in.
Becoming a monster,
Uncontrolled and evil.

I was numb,
I didn't want to feel.
Pain was all there was,
All I really knew.
I thought that was how it would always be.

I hurt you,
I didn't mean to.
But I did.
I am split,
But you are binding me.

I am becoming whole,
I am no longer parts,
Your love is healing me.
You have saved me from the brink.

You changed my thoughts.
You made me want to live,
Want to be good,
You inspire me to tone down,
To control the demon in me.

I don't want to hurt you again,
Whether on purpose or not,
Help me to reach that goal,
as you help me in everything else...

Concerning me,
Do not feel guilt,
Do not feel regret,
Just be happy and love me,
That is all I really want.