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Humanity in a Nutshell

Don't touch it,
let things

Rest
  In
    Peace.

Commanded by
All;
Followed by
None.

Author notes

First thing I wrote was exactly this, fourteen words. I figured there was a reason for that, an if not, sorry to waste your time.

*reviews*
It's not even shit standard

P.S. This poem portrays what humans do and have always done and what our religions depict, the basis of everyday problems, the root of segregation - sort of... everything that is wrong with humanity: we make rules and refuse to abide them ourselves.

A contest entry

Feedback please! Your eyes words help my vision... :-) Cheers for looking :-D

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • checkmate
    November 11, 2007

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    wow. I love this piece- has a great depth throughout and definitely thought-provoking!!!

    the last stanza is amazing. I loved this- all your fourteen words that said so very much!!! Great work!!!


  • Masquerading Angel
    November 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Many many highly educated people (i.e.sociologists, psychologists, fundamentalists..)write entire books trying to explain and portray humanity. You've done it in 14 words, simple words at that. I must say that you should be very proud of yourself for such an accomplishment. Great job!


  • Marc-Andrews
    November 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Here Here. Too True! Very clear message for 14 words, I hope you win the contest you entered (It finishs on my bday!)


  • DrunktankLullaby
    November 9, 2007

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    I think this is unbelievably powerful for fourteen words. hell... it's powerful PERIOD. I feel like you actually had something to say. Something comprehendable. That's insane with the amount of words you had to say it all in.
    & yeah, I think there was definitely a reason for that. But I don't believe in coincidences anyway.


  • Southern Darling
    November 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You managed to break 14 words up into actual verses. Three verses. WOW. While all the verses are VERY good, the one that most catches at me is the final one, as it depicts, with much accuracy, the truth about human kind. "Commanded by all; Followed by none." Very primal, and very insightful


  • BeautifulFlame
    November 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love this one , your words a captivating and so sadly true.
    Wonderful job on this!
    goodluck,
    ~Lisa~

1 - 6 of 6