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Evanescent Sonnet

Our
world :
whirled
bower.


Flower
hurled,
twirled
hour,


sends
men
strife,


ends
then
life.

.
.

.
.

In a list

Courtesy welcome and extended [Reward: double points]

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Cynewulf
    August 15

    Edit | Reply
    I love the presentation! I like this, in my opinion I don' see why it can't be a sonnet. When I get around to discussing Emily Dickinson you will see what I mean! I love the sheer evanescent brevity of your poem.

    . Rewarded 4

  • Thank you for your entry

    What can I say about this entry. I have difficulty in finding the interpretaion of the prompt as as I do not really see this as a sonnet, just single word stanzas I am wondering was this more a joke than an actual entry. I mean if you were going for brevity you certianly have it, and I would even go as far as to say that it does appear to have the rhyme scheme with but no syllable count I am left without something to measure against other entries.

    I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.

    God bless
    Tammy
    • Sonnets and Evanescence

      Dear Tammy & FOR THE RECORD

      A sonnet is a verse with fourteen lines ... of course there are variations on a theme with "English Sonnets" often rhyming abab cdcd efef gg as in most Shakespearean sonnets or abab abab abab cc or abba abba abba cc where rhyming couplets are preferred.

      In the Evanescent Sonnet, originally written on 21 November 1991; the rhyme scheme is abba abba ccd ccd but it should also be borne in mind that the 14 word sonnet dates back to the 17th century in France - see below : abba abba ccd ede

      Sur la Mort d’une Jeune Fille

      Fort
      Belle,
      Elle
      Dort.

      Sort
      Frêle !
      Quelle
      Mort !

      Rose
      Close
      La

      Brise
      L’a
      Prise.



      Jules de RESSEGUIER 1789_1862

      If you read French the comment on Rességuier's one word per line sonnet and variations on the theme are interesting here http://humanidades.uprrp.edu/romanitas/espanol/volumen2/robert.html


      There is much ignorance concerning word sonnets as can be seen comparing the early 19th century example above and the following link to the University of Ottawa
      http://www.fridaycircle.uottawa.ca/foreplay/foreplay-preface.html

      Some North American contemporary writers go even further
      http://www.danforthreview.com/reviews/poetry/mayne3.htm

      However definitions vary but rejoin my initial comments
      http://edisonapenglish.freeservers.com/custom3.html

      3. Sonnet(lyric): a rigid 14 line verse form, with variable structure and scheme according to type:A. Shakespearean(English): 3 quatrains and concluding couplet in iambic pentameter, rhymin abab cdcd efef gg or abba cddc effe gg.
      B. Italian(Petrarchan): an octave and sestet, between which a break thought occurs. The traditional rhyme scheme is abbe abbe cafe cafe the sestet, any variation of c,d,e.


      furthermore see
      http://www.yourdictionary.com/sonnet

      word: Poets for about the last 20-30 years in the UK have produced word sonnets and it has proved to be a very restricting form.
      ___________

      Thus, with respect, my Evanescent Sonnet, though submitted with a sense of humour, follows a tradition dating back over three hundred years.


      Best regards Jonathan

      PS

      Find
      terse
      verse
      lined

      mind
      worse
      purse
      signed

      heed
      screed
      writ

      we'd
      read
      fit










  • Alpha-Q
    August 3

    Edit | Reply
    I do not believe this has the rhyme scheme of an English sonnet, which is what the contest calls for. This seems to have the rhyme scheme of an Italian sonnet.

    It is interesting, though.
  • hot-tamale
    July 12

    Edit | Reply

    very interesting

    This is the kind of poem that you like to read twice, because the last stanza is so catching. You want to reread it to see if you can gain any new impressions - this is probably because of the one word lines; however, the format does succeed in drawing each reader into her own deeper interpretation. Nicely done.
  • Where's the Dog?

    You know I have some slight blemishes to the receptor pixels on my screen because of the amount of times you've run that dog thing!LOL Good thing the monitors are cheaper these days!

    Great piece Jonathan! Sort of a noveaux treatment of an older form. But the message is out of this world. Maybe it is; maybe it is!

    "Terra firma, this is Jonathan Robin. We've got a problem!"
    "Do you read me terra firma?"

    Love this one, Jon
    John-Las Vegas, Nevada

    . Rewarded 8

  • I noticed that you marked this under "philosophy of life" as well as some others. If I read it strictly on philosophy the outlook strikes me as rather grim and depressing [not that this takes away from the write-it is merely my interpretation, as well as unfortunately probably the truth]. Now just wondering if that is what life really is supposed to be [whirled, hurled, strife, ends] <-----all of those words have a certain negativity to this reader.....or is it merely what we choose to do with our lives [sabotaging it ourselves]???. Yes, it definitely is a philosophical write in very few words that prove quite thought provoking. Loved the presentation as well, i.e the picture [so befitting the words]
    a prochainement,
    reenie

    . Rewarded 8

  • I'm sure the form is probably perfect, but it didn't do it for me this time as poetry

  • grannyeri gold member
    April 9

    Edit | Reply
    Very unusual sonnet - the one with the least words I have ever seen. Words are great, just there are so few of them. Great presentation on this page though, very lovely background used for this write.

    . Rewarded 4


  • fantasysmurf gold member
    January 27

    Edit | Reply

    Deeeep

    Sometimes things can blow your mind. I just got mind-f*ed (excuse the French). Wow, I think the background youve chosen is very fitting for this masterpiece. Worth every point. Will check out more of your work!


  • Lily otv
    January 4

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is the smallest and most unusual sonnet I have ever read but it is still perfectly rhymed and every bit as beautiful and inspiring as any other I've read. In fact I find it very thought provoking as it leaves so much to the imagination.


  • janejainejayne gold member
    November 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Bravo!

    I am flying!

    Fly or dying?
    Is this heaven?
    Jane


  • kaibab silver member
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Powerful drops of precipitating words fill the visula hanting of where is love...thanks so much


  • Night Hope gold member
    November 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Sighhh...Beautifully done in content, form & presentation. Good luck in Rich's contest, Scribe. Wanda

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