Lying naked
spreading my legs
to the dark room
around me,
hoping to strain
my petals of desire
to the point of
wetness
so I may explode
all over satin sheets,
I fondle my breasts
feeling the nipples
harden
ripe and ready,
I travel downwards
to my nether realm,
strumming myself
to perfection
oh, you know you want me
so, stop standing there
take me – fuck me
I offer you my flesh
Author notes
I was thinking some naughty thoughts today about Josh Turner. Sorry. I couldn't help myself. I've never written erotic before, so...
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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OH YEAH, SWEET
GULP...! Very erotic and ummm...stimulating(are you happy to see me or is that a poem in your pocket?)It's refreshing to find a woman in touch with her sexuality. Well done.
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Geez, I'm embarrassed to read. But it is written very well. Every time i look at your page i have to hide the background Josh is Distracting
LOL. Excellent Job with this dear.
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It's definitely erotic!
Am I (male heterosexual) the intended audience?
For me it was definitely erotic.
And horny and voyeuristic.
OTOH knowing that it was written by an attractive female may have swayed my judgement.
I like the sudden petulance of
"oh, you know you want me"
although I would question the use of the comma after "so" in the next line:
might it sound better without it?
In fact, there's very little punctuation everywhere:
might it be better with none, or with more, for emphasis?
Also the last line sounds stilted in comparison to the previous line (and the rest of the poem too):
maybe something like "I give you ..." or "I demand you take ..."?
Hope the above doesn't sound too negative or picky:
IMHO it's excellently graphic.
I really like it.
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Truthfully; a bit harsh. I've discovered that one's feelings and emotions can be adequately portrayed with-out the use of profanity. I'd drop the last four lines and leave the rest up to imagination, really.
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No inhibitions here! Josh Turner. Isn't he the one in the new coke commercial in the movie theaters now? Are you a chick or a guy pretending to be a chick?
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I am like... so much a chick. Nice to meet you, mystic drifter, and thanks for reading my stuff.
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well it may appear appealing, but can get you into loads of trouble with consequences. sex has been around since humans, but today seems to be time ones take advantage of others purely for sex. life is more important than that, and you will want more as you age. be careful and protect your heart.
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Thank you so much for your like... stellar advice. I will always be careful and I will definitely protect my heart. Thanks for reading.
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This was simple, erotic and I think it was really well written, as well. I think the imagery in this was really good and the flow was very good, too. You seem to be really good at erotica, as well.
Keep up the great work, Jenny. I will be reading your next writes, for sure. -
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Thank you, Nathaniel.
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