I cried
in a moment
lost to tidal waves
drowning the shore
while stretching broken hands
through bleeding tears
to wipe away
the brittle fragments
of a day
lost to the screams
of nevermore
Author notes
These are like... my feelings and stuff... about making a wrong decision and like... not being able to correct it.
A contest entry
- November New Member Contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended December 7, 2007, 83 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Thanks for entering
You have used so truly amazing imagery to paint the scene of despair caused from making a wrong choice.
Nicely penned.
Good luck - let the ink flow and your fingers dance
Rosemary -
A great read
Your imagery in this poem is excellent!I really enjoyed the read.
Thanks so much for your entry
Gaylene
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Welcome to AllPoetry && Thank you for your entry
G'Day Symphonie
♥
This is an interesting piece; I very much like your word use as they create stronger images in the mind
Well penned
Best of luck in the contest
Stay safe
~Amanda
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This is a really powerfull piece. I loved it. We have all made mistakes in our life, and made bad choices, and I think part of what made Nevermore so powerful is that it is vague. It doesn't really identify the situation, which makes the poem easier for the reader to identify and connect with.
Great write and good luck in the contest.
♥Juliet -
This is a lovely poem.We all have made wrong decesions and not been able to correct them at one time or another.just keep the faith and learn from the mistakes and you will grow within yourself.
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Like it!
What the others said.
One tiny negative thing.
Maybe it's just me, but
"of a day/lost to the screams" works better for me than "of nevermore" for some reason:
maybe it's because the previous 2 verses are so sharp,
both audibly and in meaning that it seems weak in comparison?
I sort of hope someone disagrees and says it's just me, though:-).
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"while stretching broken hands
through bleeding tears"
Very strong lines, I really enjoyed them and for that matter; the rest as well.
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Beautiful Sound's like Poe in a way . Good luck in the contest
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Loved the depth of this write...very few words saying so very much!!!
Blessings~
Az
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The wording in this write creates such a beautiful flow and image, it is a very intense read in a style you obviously have a talent for and is one of my favourites, a strong emotional subject that you have done so well, awesome effort all round, the ending really brings home the impact of it, Thanks for sharing this one with us!!!
Keep up the great work.
-Brenden
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I too, have shed many tears and today they fall, for things happening over which i had no control. losing friends, buddies to death by war, cut down in prime of their lives. I wish it never happened. Keep penning.
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theres great imagery here, well done. your very talented. love x
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what a wonderful write! strong emotion. great imagery. you are very talented. keep writing sweetie. you are going places!!! God bless you always
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This was really good, Jenny. It seems to me that you sure know how to make something flow and have it be partly metaphorical, as well. I think you have a really good talent for writing, too.
Keep up the great work! I look forward to many more of your poems, Jenny.
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