A deep, tender feeling begins to rise,
intense desire and passion burns.
I see love when I look in your eyes,
to embrace and caress now yearns.
Author notes
Not to good with the love side of poetry, hope this is ok.
A contest entry
- Master the short poem by Turtledove.
475 points, ended November 9, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my quickies or snippets by leander.
400 points, ended December 4, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Well, it's not really that difficult to write about love (although I'm not the best one either when it comes to that) but I think you've done pretty well here
thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the very best!
Leander -
Wonderful
Very well done. So full of deep intense emotions.
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This is simply marvelous.
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This is elegant and graceful.
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I loved it! How it begins with tender feelings, then moves on to desire... that's how love should be!
I also like the last line... I write this way also, I don't think you need to say you yearn for something... but that the embrace and caress are yearning themselves...
Great job!
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hmmm..... I say stick with the dark side and you'll be fine lol.... the one thing that I think that could be changed about this poem is in the last line the "now yearns"... I don't know needs some tweaking. If you were talking about yourself you wouldn't say "I ... now yearns." There is a word for that... my english teacher needs to teach better lol...
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