Vainly I stare,
at midnight locks and moonlight skin.
In this mirror it all begins.
Cracking pages and a torn bind.
Delicate fingers will turn,
to show what ages left behind.
The key I seek I will not find
unless the skin is clean
of desires first dive.
So in virgins blood I will bathe.
To hold youth beyond it's time.
The first was hard,
and tears did fall.
Yet crimson ripples dried my cheeks.
What she lost I will gain immortal beauty has to cause someone pain.
Addicting it was
The feeling of their blood
still warm as it coated my skin,
masking impurities and turning back time.
Murder is not something capable by a noble beauty such as me.
but underneath my skin's disguise
a horrid heart must I hide.
For I will be beautiful for all time.
Author notes
So I know you said that rhymes were not your cup of tea, and usually they aren't mine either. But this poem was written in about 30 minutes start to finnish and it just ended up rhyming. Hope it tickles your fancy.
Criticism is welcome with open arms.
A contest entry
- Give Me Subtle Blood (adult) by MessedupMarionette.
950 points, ended November 26, 2007, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
all I want is honesty
Comments
-
Hmmm, I like it. My one insta-critique is that the vocabulary isn't that impressive, but that's not a big deal. And I could tell, as I read, that the rhyming just sort of happened, which is really good. It's the whole forced rhyming that gets my goat : ) It's a good poem, I like it. Although I think, also, that you could've fitted a bit more metaphor in there, but that's just because I'm a metaphor addict : )
Thanks for entering!!!
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