This is me standing right here,
Nothing to me is ever clear.
My thoughts are always racing,
My heart is pacing.
There’s always a huge fight,
Everything never seems to go right.
It’s my skin that is burning,
It’s my thoughts that have heads turning.
The racing thoughts are nonstop,
It makes my head want to pop!
No one ever dose understand,
This I am telling you first hand.
I am all alone,
My thoughts racing like a cyclone.
There is no where to run,
At times I feel like a loaded gun.
It’s the depression that is acute,
At times I am ready to shoot.
There is no where for me to hide,
I feel like I am the devils bride.
For years I have been here stuck,
It’s like I never had any luck.
I wish I knew someone would care,
To help the feeling of despair.
I do not want to feel this way,
I wish I knew something else to say.
There is nothing I can do.
It’s your help I want,
I am begging you?
could you just be gentle with the comments plzzzz!
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Bipolar bitch here really understands... I just can't put it n paper. Very Good!
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I read your profile first so I could get a 'background feel' and with your bi-polar problem, this poem is very good at describing what you mentally go through.
About the only thing I'd change, for reading purposes is the following line..
'Everything never seems to go right.'
to...
'nothing ever seems to go right'
but that's just my opinion.
I think you did well with this, especially in getting the emotion and feeling across.
Keep writing.
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I loved the emotion here...
As far as the flow, maybe if you tried making some unusual or unexpected line break, it might actually read easier as the rhyme can be dizzying.
That aside, I think this a great piece. I love the emotion you are evoking and the feeling of desperation and erratic forlornness. Keeep it up!
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I really hope you climb out of that depression! It sounds like you really go through the ups and downs during it everyday, struggling. Very good poem. I feel very close to this poem as I can relate to it verrrry very well, as I've said hello to bi-polar depression and not sure if it is. This poem right up until the part "At times I am ready to shoot." defines me.
Keep up the writing! -
Very Good
I wish I knew something else to say.
There is nothing I can do.
It’s your help I want,
I am begging you?
I think this expresses you very well
If you can find peace in your words, and reliefe
you are blessed to make them
Write on
Rick
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Wow bunches of emotions here! I think I get this way sometimes. Just a jumbled mess. Trying to untangle the strings that life brings. this is wonderful in content, delightful in flow, thank you for sharing, ~blessings always~
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I read your profile first, noting the bipolar disorder. This makes perfect sense to me, as it so very aptly portrays the racing thoughts that torture sufferers of this disease. I have lived very close to this disease. This write is sometimes disjointed, but that adds to the feel of it, and I wouldn't want it changed. An enjoyable albeit sad read. Very well done.
Rory
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I get like this alot people say they want to help then why do they just stand there
.Thanks for sharing this with me it is a good piece
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