Ok, so we've
lied a little...
They need our lies -
our reconstruction
of the fables
keeps them
hanging on to
the dream.
The faithful.
Bless 'em.
Follow us
on the
fast-track
to Heaven.
They swallow it all
- transubstantiation
( literally...),
the whole
omnipotent,
omniscient and
all-loving God
trichotomy.
Explained
expertly,
excursively...
ethically,
morally,
mystically.
Divine Mystery.
Say it often enough, it acquires substance.
Two thousand years of repetition
create an article of faith most absolute
for those in fervent need of absolution.
We make the world
a better place,
as fear of Hellfire
and damnation
( did I mention 'Vengeful?' )
keep them in check -
a docile flock,
the Good Shepherd
ensures
the silence
of the lambs.
So we will continue
to fire our canon
at the ninety-nine
who suckle on it's
outpourings,
perpetuated by this
Papal Bull.
Ah... Men...
Author notes
Prompt Style 1 ->Words ->Hypocrite
This was an entry for an earlier contest, where the challenge was to write from a point of view of someone who held opposite values to me.
My own view is that organized religion has been responsible for more harm than good on the planet. There are no fundamentalist agnostics...
In a list
A contest entry
- Take a Step Back (Round 2) by Picnic-Lightning.
330 points, ended November 18, 2007, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Personal Best: contemporary poems. by Brit-Girl.
700 points, ended August 12, 2008, 38 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prompts Prompts Prompts by HereComesTheSun.
700 points, ended June 13, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 42 of 42
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very well crafted and it's message came through loud and clear.
I must agree, from the Inquistions and "holy" wars to Salem and on and on. so much blood in the name of god's love.
So glad I stumbled across your write here, will have to keep an eye out for more of yours. -
first of all a killer job on the prompt before and you did an overall amazing job with this write im just wow. thanks for enteirng
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Very good write.
Thank you for your entry and good luck! -
I loved the sardonic and ironic tone, and since I tend toward believing that many religious leaders actually think like this, I found the poem quite amusing as well as scary! Great read. Wouldn't revise a word.
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I could not agree more into your point but somehow, we still have different views in religion...
but as long as this poem is concerned, I love it.
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Interesting
It is very interesting to hear another's point of view especially when it is a poignant and beliveable as your own point of view. Not everyone shares the same views and thats the beauty of being human and sharing the world with each other. Nice read for me! -
Right on, I couldnt agree more.
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nice write...well done
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Well done! Great write
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Really well done. You sure have a grasp on the bible for one who doesn't like organized Religion. It is good to know all perspectives. I really lilked the flow and mature view you had throughout your poem. YOu did not pontificate. You had well educated points with creative verve. Thanks.
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So you believe in no God, but you believe in a heaven? Interesting; I would have thought that the two went somewhat hand in hand ...
Worded well; I'll admit that I stopped reading intently halfway through, and instead skimmed, as this felt like a direct attack on a religion ; apologies if it was not meant to be taken that way.
However, best wishes. -
the first few stanzas are kinda hard to read because theyre stort... but theyre really good and packed with a lot of meaning
good luck in the contests
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EXCELLENT
I love it, because writing it from the opposite point of view is unique and well written where i can understand that at the same time of being in another persons shoes, it implies how much religion sucks and in what ways, because what happens with this poem is:
An atheist is hearing the view of someone they disagree with, and so they feel the need to criticize what they are saying, and also finding the flaws in what they are saying, which supports the authors overall opinion on the subject. You got the reader to support your opinion, but it could only happen from an atheists point of view, which is great! It's creative and unique and perfect for this contest.
Thanks for entering
Good luck!
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Damn amazing
I LOVED the fact that you wrote this in the opposite perspective, and you still got your thoughts across too. To be honest with you, I agree with basically everything you stated in your write. Good job and good luck in the contest
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I try very hard to not read the comments for poems that are in my contests- not only can it change the anonymous factor, but I don't want other people to skew my opinions.
However you said something that I found almost as profound as parts of this writing, "There are no fundamentalist agnostics". For that I applaud.
In regard to the poem:
They need our lies -
our reconstruction
of the fables
is what keeps them
instead of "is" in that last line, it should be "it's" or "they're" or maybe just cut "is what" and leave it as "keeps them hanging onto a dream".
That was the only thing that really popped out to me. Thanks for entering.
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They swallow it all
- transubstantiation
( literally...)
the whole
omnipotent
omniscient and
all-loving God
trichotomy
:\
your writing is amazing.
I would say good luck in all those contests
but you really really don't need it. -
this is really thought provoking, and i really like that!
"They swallow it all
- transubstantiation
( literally...)
the whole
omnipotent
omniscient and
all-loving God
trichotomy"
this is a great stanza.
the diction is evocative and i love the form!
thank you for your entry
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this is very very complex, i like it alot,
though its not really something for people who are just getting into reading poetry, but i love this alot, its expressive and seriously makes you think
all my love, best of luck in the contest,
kitty xxx -
nice mix of religious imagery and mocking word play to show the sham that modern religion (versus spirituality) really is.
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Oh wow, this was a slap in the face. A fresh take, and very masterful. My favourite lines were these: "a docile flock
the Good Shepherd
ensures
the silence
of the lambs" Wonderful reference and flawless job revealing the true nature of something so many accept the mask of. I was also blown away by the last line. BRAVO!!!
Best of luck and thanks for entering!
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a definite twist on things that is for sure!!
This is really a beautiful piognant. Very lovely poetry and so clever thought of.
Thank you for entering tis lovely piece!!!
Becks -
Beautiful and poignant. Definitely worthy of the gold trophy. Your vocabulary is wonderful, and works perfectly with the rhythm of this piece. Thank you for this write, and congratulations again on the trophy.
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First two stanza-things. They seem very true to me, I can apply that to a way that I think and get a lot out of it. Lies are needed for dreams to sprout, aren't they?
This is written very well, I like the syntax of it all.
Wow, I'm starting to really enjoy this poem, seeing as I'm only taking notes as I go along.
I agree with many of the things that you mention in here.
The world is completely a better place because of that, these ideas are lovely.
No wonder you won a gold on this. Lovely, lovely.
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Thanx for the kind comments! I'm glad you enjoyed the poem on the level you found it. However, this was a contest entry, and I was challenged to write from a point of view of someone who held opposite values to me.
My own view is that organized religion has been responsible for more harm than good on the planet. There are no fundamentalist agnostics...
But... I'm delighted that you liked the poem, on whatever level.
PJ
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a good piece of poetry you have penned - there has to be somthing to keep the masses in check or it would all turn into chaos for sure.
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Actually the spur for the contest for which this was written was to pick a political/religious/societal stance to which you are diametrically opposed, and write a poem from the perspective of one of it's proponents.
My own view, having grown up in a country dominated and controlled by the clergy ( quite a number of whom have now been discovered to have systemattically abused the weakest of those under their 'protection' ) is give me chaos everytime....
I guess the fact that if you read it out of the context of the contest, and it read as a defense of the indefensible, then I must have done a good job!
Thanks for reading, and for your comments, always appreciated.
PJ
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Unique
i thought your writting was very different and very well put together. It had things i have not seen in any other poem in it. The way you stated things and the woords you used were special and unique to you and it shows something about you through this. Thanks!
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Great write! Very expressive and I can see why this took the top prize. It's creative and different from a lot of poems I've seen. Your word choice and descriptions are good too, I love the last stanze. Great poem!
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This was a really fasciniating job you did here and thank you for sharing it. I enjoyed the read. Best wishes my friend. Keep that pen handy dear poet.
♥ Touchof1der -
COOOOOOL!
Unique..... -
Wow, this is an amazing poem. in some way it bring anger. but it also brings a bit of sadness. this poem was really well done. i didnt get some parts of it but i love the line when you said "say it often enough, it acquires substance two thousand years of repetitiom create an article of faith....." that got to me, it was amazing! It was something you normaly coudnt hear in a poem. You have very good words that you used. I love the level of this poem and the hole construction of it. i hope to read more from you.
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An enjoyable piece of poetry, God, the death of, makes me think of a song. Religion is the filed we live in, fenced off by madness. A good poem.
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amazing
to capture your most intimate thoughts and to be able to express them in perfect flow and imagery is phenomenol..wow..no wonder you won gold..so much deserved..wow..ummm my thoughts exactly..i agree with you totally..and your ending is but the icing on the cake..take that in their pipe and smoke it..thanx so much for sharing..and congrats again on the gold..blessings..
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This is a wonderful uniquely presented view on things... I really like the different style of poem that this is... I can see why you won gold and in my opinion it was very well deserved I really enjoyed finding this piece
Keep writing
Polly -
Oh, my...you're goin to hell...lol...
Seriously, though...what a mouth full this is...The Papal Bull, much damage has been done behind this...these words just zing like arrows. Well deserved gold.
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nice
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Perfect
One of the best i've ever read. Its true what they say simplicity appeals. Thank you for posting.
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Oh boy!
Nicely written. Granted, there is a lot of hypocrisy to say the least in religion but, despite the obvious, I'll hold on to my faith and beliefs anyway.
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Whoa. Very well put. Intense.
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love the ending! so simply and
eloquently stated and such a great combination of ideas- I always enjoy your play on words, so well executed and uncompromising and so positively sublime...
ah men, indeed... I second that!
I am quite impressed with this piece, PJ... I can relate to the sentiments and the tone... I love everything about this, you've captured and put to words what I think so many others think but are afraid or unable to articulate!
a powerful piece!
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I quite adored this, and I'm so glad you entered.
It has a nice flow, despite the short lines, and you've done exactly as the prompt asks.
"Also a" in stanza--12 (I think)--is a bit awkward, but overall very nice--really nothing else to say.
Good luck, thanks again,
Nadya -
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Thanks Nadya!
I felt the awkwardness of that line as I wrote it, but as I was getting right to the wire on the deadline I submitted 'as is'.
I've adjusted it, and think it reads a bit better, thanks!
PJ
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