The eyes of subjugation now are quiet,
searching orbs of tribulation lulled
for more of the reasons unnoticed.
Ensnared within the world of treachery,
emerald light to fade in a sea of need.
Peace she wishes unto her as turmoil murmur
it's ugly head to take what is not freely given.
Original sins of carnal to fall from grace,
tears of years abused in body and soul.
To walk amongst the dead for they are already
at tranquility within there self, life and death.
The grave of rest and peace, of no tears, or
loss of love, and no control taken.
Grave silent she gave her last breath, to breathe.
In a list
A contest entry
- PREWRITES!!!!!! by Luminescence.
450 points, ended March 5, 2008, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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your imagery is awesome..very dark..very deep..thanx so much for sharing and best of luck in the contest..
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I do feel that this borders on the suicide topic... but I will judge it for how it is because it is a VERY nicely written poem... I do apreciate the use of grammar and syntax.... it not the norm anymore to find this.... and you can have a great poem and the it be "OK" because of horrible syntax....
But great poem.. I loved the choice of words and the imagery... it was a pleasure to read.
Thank you for entering and good luck
~Lumin -
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Just to let you know too this has nothing to do with suicide, this is a emotional battle within one self for the horrors that have been placed within ones life from others. The pain for what some are forced to endure due to choice of life style or forced. Thank you, I write on a level that I have only just started to really enjoy this was one of my first in the change over. Thank you so much for seeing that within this read. Good luck to all.
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L1 typo "quiet"
Your verbiage is well placed within this piece and overall this piece is good. Each line reads as a seperate thought though and I feel adding joining words at the end of each line to connect the thoughts would make it easier to read. This has depth that urges the reader to think and that's always a good thing in poetry as it allows the reader their own thoughts about the contents.
Thanks for sharing.
La x
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Ah thank you for pointing that out, I have dislexia, and I am not a fan of spell check lol.
Thank you for the wonderful comment. I kind of wanted it to feel seperate so I am glad you picked up on that. Thanks again.
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It was wonderful to walk through those lines. Abosolutly stunning piece.
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Thank you
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wonderful lines these
To walk amongst the dead for they are already
at tranquility within there self, life and death.
The grave of rest and peace, of no tears, or
loss of love, and no control taken.
strong words used in the poem..how i wish i cud pen my thoughts like the way you have..
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Thank you
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I love this piece:
To walk amongst the dead for they are already
at tranquility within there self, life and death.
The grave of rest and peace, of no tears, or
loss of love, and no control taken.
Grave silent she gave her last breath, to breathe.
Im not sure if this was in a contest but if not I would find one for it as it is an amazing piece
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Thank you
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WOW very strong and powerful write! Excellent take on the prompt!!! Keep that pen running!!! ~blessings always~
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Wow. This is so heartwrenching, I think you poured every ounce of emotion from your body into this write. One of my favourites from you today, clearly because of its strong and touching intensity... so very sad... great job!
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