As I lie beside your tomb this
little heart beats in my womb
This child we made from love
now her daddy's up above
No one to hold her tight
When she cant sleep at night
No one to dry her tears and
save her from her fears
I cant do it all alone because
your daddy has gone home
And I am left behind going
out of my mind what shall
I do without you I still have
A life time to go through
A baby needs a dad not a
mother who is sad
Why did you have to be a fool
You just weren't being cool
They shot you in the head
now your body's dead
I don't want to be alone
Never want to go home
Because I want to be with you so if
I stay the whole night through
In the winter snow my body will
let go and my soul will take flight
And we will be a family together to night
A contest entry
- Picture by Myjoy.
450 points, ended November 12, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - on the dark side ... prewrites ok by b497.
300 points, ended June 25, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
constuctive criticism.
Very sad write, and I love it except perhaps instead of the short stanzas and breaks, maybe slow it down a bit by joining a few of the lines together, if you know what I mean.
beautiful write though, No doubt.
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This is very sad, and tugs on the heart strings. When I saw in the preview womb/tomb I almost skipped this one, after reading so many bad "dark write" cliches.
So I'm glad I didn't, it fits with this and is used literally, not as metaphor.
This is good, but I wouldn't consider it within the realm of dark poetry though. Peace. -
Dark and oh so sad. Good luck, this was a very good different out look on this picture.
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