Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

The day that dreaming ends

Today I finally surrender to despair
In the dark I've cried for so long,
that I've convinced myself that I don't care
and that seems to make me feel like I'm strong

Suppressed by memories like silent ghosts
I rub my eyes and try to breathe
As many times I walk along the coast,
looking for reasons to live

The darkness falls upon my eyes,
my senses are no longer there
So numb, so empty of so much lies
Again I think I cannot bare

all the pain and all the regret
I wish tomorrow I woudn't wake up
or at least that I'd forget
Until my thoughts just stop and cut

Today I finally surrendered to despair
And stopped dreaming of you
why live life from dream to dream
and dread the day when dreaming ends...

Author notes

name:SELENE TREMERE
(Moulin Rouge inspired - '' Fool to believe'')
Option 2) loss

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • transit
    June 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow!

    The sadness is portyrayed powerfully here but I felt it did not have hope towards the end and ended negatively. It did not stick too close to the prompt.

    I still like how the development was. the imagery was awesome. It made me feel like I was almost there. Congrats on the other trophies won! Good luck.

    transit~


  • And Hyetal
    May 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    http://allpoetry.com/group/info/pinky?stay=1

    group for the rest of the rounds.


  • Great Cthulhu
    March 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Close...

    This is indeed a powerful write. This contest was for HM winners only, so I have to drop it. Sorry.


  • DrkPoet silver member
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely done with some great emotion. I liked the last lines of not living dream to dream because it seems when we lose someone we love we're always lost in that dream of them coming back. Thanks for entering


  • Luminescence
    March 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Since you are two of my contests at the moment this will be your judging for both of them....

    I like this a lot but you forgot to put your your AP name in your author's notes... here is your score but if I check in two days and you still do not have your name in then I will have to disqualify you, sorry.

    Title- 8
    Diction- 8
    Syntax- 9
    Wowness factor- 8

    Total- 33

    Ttank you,
    ~lumin


  • mark straight
    February 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    painfull severely i like quite well a depiction of a damged soul^^ i love how you begain and ended it


  • Simply Simple
    February 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great poem Filled with raw emotion and stress. It was wonderful. I do request you add your author's name in your author's notes though. Thank you. Best of luck.


    • Selene Tremere
      February 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      it was there but there was too much shit so i suppose you didn't see it ^^ my name's selene


  • ZzBrokenHopezZ
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Great

    I love this poem it is really really good. My favorite part is:

    "The darkness falls upon my eyes,
    my senses are no longer there
    So numb, so empty of so much lies
    Again I think I cannot bare"

    Thank you for entering and good luck.


  • Rachel21
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is amazing, good luck

1 - 10 of 10