Liquorice storm skies hover
Thunder rumbles in bones
Lifting sensations rise
And electric freshness enlivens
Liquid drops on skin
Thrill me with life energy
While lightning sears the heavens
As symbolic scripture
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Very nicely done! You managed to give this piece a religious vibe without doing so in an overt and brazen manner. Personally, I'm not an incredibly religious person, but I still found a certain spirituality in this piece. Great job!
~Robby~
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The poem uses the word "scripture," which is an obvious link to spirituality. What else in the poem helped you to find the spirituality in the piece?
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This poem is full of energy, and the layout of the page actually helps that.
To improve the flow you might consider matching the sylables a little more. At the moment it dosen't really have a flow and sound to it. An extra word in the 6th and 8th lines might help.
But there's a huge energy around this piece, good work. -
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Can you give a specific example for how you would change the 6th and/or 8th line? What do you mean by "matching the syllables"? When using the sandwich method of feedback (good thing, not so good thing, good thing), try to come up with a different good thing the second time, rather than repeating yourself – it's more encouraging and tilts the balance to the positive side. ;-)
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Interesting imagery
I really like the imagery of this poem as well as the energy of it. The imagery is so intense and the energy from the words seems to vibrate off the screen. Short but nice flow and structure.
The metaphor of the storm is used well here, I think it represents a storm rising with in the soul. I could interpret this many ways I think. Thanks for sharing
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy -
this was a different feel for me it was very colorful in word painting and the style was most certainly grabable and holds the attention of the reader i enjoyed it
Julia
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Which words grabbed you? Why did it hold your attention? How was the feel different (compared to... what)?
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Amazing and most excellent!
Amazing and most excellent! WOW! I love this one, Georgia. You certainly have a way wiith words.
God's power is all around us each day. It certainly shows in His light displays during a storm. Keep the ink flowing and good luck!
~Donna~
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The Light speaks to us even in the darkest of times. While it remains dark to the unaware some do actually see the infinite power of GOD in spite of all efforts of the dark to obscure The Light. You carved powerful words on this page. Thank you for creating and sharing them. May they touch hearts and open up minds for the True Light. Take care,
Chris
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Good work
Rich in amazing imagery, a visual feast, your poetic poem works very well done, . sweet gift you ..lovin this!!!,.one
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