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my everything

i slowly lift the bottle to my parting lips
letting the alcohol tingle and burn my throat
staring into the mirror at a broken girl
glancing down at bleeding arms and asking
does god not love me anymore
with every drop that’s fallen from my lips
i can’t help but wonder what would have been
the knocking on my door is still loud
but i know who it is, it’s death, i’m not ready
i hold the child, that could have been, in my hands
it’s dark and my breathing is slowling, i can’t breathe
*i was running, so fast, so hard, but i couldn’t escape
i was thrown to the cold hard ground, there is no sound
the tinted silver of a knife is sure to keep anyone quiet
i let out one scream and he tore me up good, before i let in
i was all his and he was my first not by choice but by fate*
my bottle is almost gone and i can’t help but let the tears fall
there’s nothing left for me anymore, except for my boyfriend
je toujours vous aimerai
( i will always love you )
but i don’t think your enough to save me anymore
*she hit me again across my face i don’t understand
why i could never be the daughter she wanted so badly
her words still hurt me echoing in my head softly
your a bitch a mistake i should have aborted you like i planned*
it’s getting colder in here now and i’m lost in my memories
living my life on what could have been
i wish my friends wouldn’t treat me like a piece of glass
*i’m sorry babe, all i needed to know was if you could do this
i needed to see how important i was too you, not very much
i love you so much, you will always be my everything*
and with a kiss, i left him standing there
in the middle of the sidewalk on a cold friday night in the fall
i miss him so much, he was my everything, what am i now
si seulement je pourrais être votre tout encore
( if only i could be your everything again )

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Poetic-Goddess
    March 7, 2008

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    This is awful stuff, Amazing Imagery, It actually brought tears to my eyes reading this, It's so heartbreaking. I hope this makes it easier on you, and makes you feel better!!! Thank you for sharing!!
    Blessed Be


  • trista gold member
    November 20, 2007

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    I think you've tackled an awful lot of emotions and experiences for one poem...there's so much going on here, I could easily see a book instead of a poem! This is really heartbreaking to read, and I think EACH of these experiences deserves a poem (or many) devoted all to itself. I've found writing to be a great outlet and good therapy for myself, and I hope it is the same for you. I wish you all the best in putting these things behind you, and finding the happier life each of us deserve.

    Thank you for sharing this in my contest, and good luck...

    Best wishes,
    ~J.

  • Wishing for HIM
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    woa. this was awesome. it had so much emotion. i loved this! good luck in the contest!


  • Shoshan
    November 8, 2007

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    Aweful stuff, this poem. But to be more specific, [since you did ask for the particulars] I'll point out lines in particular.

    First off, the actual feeling of the poem is highly overdone. I think you could have gotten your point across much better without using the typical teenage angst stereotyping. Example:

    "i slowly lift the bottle to my parting lips
    letting the alcohol tingle and burn my throat
    staring into the mirror at a broken girl
    glancing down at bleeding arms and asking
    does god not love me anymore"

    Nearly every angsty poem I read has a verse similar to this.

    Even moreso there is the fact that this poem has no flow. In the poem it's ranting and raving about drinking and an overall feeling of melancholy, but then it jumps to the whole "love" aspect. I fail to see how this poem even fits together. Abuse and Love.

    "*i’m sorry babe, all i needed to know was if you could do this
    i needed to see how important i was too you, not very much
    i love you so much, you will always be my everything*
    and with a kiss, i left him standing there
    in the middle of the sidewalk on a cold friday night in the fall"

    What does this have to do with your mother abusing you? I fail to see how leaving ones boyfriend really can equivalent out to the pain of child abuse or abuse in general.

    Really, I feel that this is all well overdone.

    Not to mention it really lacks a central idea and any overall emotional evocation in general.