Weeding in the poetry beds, pottering
Among rank lines and wayward words
That beg for pruning pens, tottering
On the edge of fertilizing (for the third
Yet futile time) that haiku planted years
Ago, the one whose structure looks like bird
Claws as it crooks across the page to rear
Its capitals at me and dare
My worst—weeding in the beds I shear
Lopsided growths from sonnets, pare
Thick rinds from villanelles, stir the roots
Of free-verse vines that grudgingly share
Pages with rigid triolets. Some shoots
Demand more patient care. I prop
Their failing stresses, tamp with heedful boot
Damp soil around decaying quatrain-crops
In hopes that rich, dark humus might revive
Slow, flagging growth. I shape slick tops
Of thick-leaved dactyls hedging lively,
Hiding rough brick garden walls.
I wait. Some words may die, some survive
Parching summers and frosting falls—
Some will surmount my cottering
Fresh word to word, will bud and blossom tall.
A contest entry
- Amera’s Anniversary Contest by Amera.
25000 points, ended December 4, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - meh by Anonymous Shadow.
300 points, ended January 24, 2008, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I absolutely love the content, the topic and the image of this poem; “you knew I would”. I don’t want to judge this piece out of ignorance so I’m asking you what form this poem is composed in as I see the combination of several forms here. On the down side I see you rhyming pleural with singular words; I know that is acceptable but I read poetry out loud and to my ear it chops it up. All in all this is a brilliant piece and obviously it deserves a place in this contest; thank you.
Love,
Amera♥
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Not a traditional form per se, but bits and pieces of several (rather like the poetry bed itself). A rhyme scheme echoing terza rima (aba bcb cdc....xax)with the 'a' sound repeated in the final stanza to create aminor ring-structure; like the poetry bed, again, you just finish weeding and the whole process starts again. Lines vary from octosyllabic to hendecasyllabic...long enough to feel comfortable together but not rigidly precise. Generally iambic, but again, highly variable.
Rhyme was selected as much for colloquial flow as strict sound patterning. Sometimes a plural 's' helps elide from one consonant to another at the beginning of the next line; sometimes the plural adds just the right hitch to draw attention away from heavy rhyme and back to content. And sometimes, there is a 'weed'.
Not that the whole thing was this planned when it came out. But I liked the idea of 'weeds' in the title/opening phrase as well as in the structure itself. After all this garden is still a work in progress, not a polished artifact.
Anyway, it was fun to work on and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Thanks for the comments and the questions.
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delightful
and quite funny. I like all the images of uncooperative verses. I like "prop their failing stresses". The form is incredibly tight. Good work and good luck in the contest.
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I've noticed that poetry seems to lend itself well to the Nature metaphor.
It took me a few reads, because I was simply trying to make my tired eyes follow the unfamiliar pattern of words, but once I managed to comprehend it, it blew me away.
I suppose I shouldn't read anymore until I've had sleep. -
Briiliant!!
This sir is an amazing write mixing "Poetic Form" and metaphors in a unique and outstanding form. The rhyme and rhythum is elegant and your vocabulary is brilliant. Amera's contest is bring out the best in us poets and you sir are among the BEST of the BEST here on AP. this was so great, i had to read it several times and enjoyed it more and more each time.
I wish you the best in the contest!
Take care,
Many blessings,
David
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Put smile on my face, the nice use do triple line stanzas with lines carrying over from previous stanzas, capitalized first lines a quaint touch, good mix of the modern and old.
Then the language, rich in natural metaphors wrapped around a gardeners trowel and shears. The use of metrical, and rhyming scheme formal poem names to describe the plantings a delight to anyone with knowledge and experience in writing. The blending of the season's a nice touch since ones writings run through their own cycle of abundance and waste.
I had to read several times. The first time I kept bouncing between studing the structure and the way the lines were developed to the meaning being created. Thus I was enchanted and delighted by the entire set up of the poem. Thanks for the pleasure you provided.
Peace & Love, Tom B.
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