Here I lie
beneath the shade
Of the stars
There cool light
Kisses my face
I'm lost in the embrace
Of the night
my tears fall
Unseen by all
But the solitary eye
Of the moon
There you lie
Beneath the glare
Of the ground
Its cold weight
Is crushing you down
No hope is found
In this darkness
your breath's gone
Your hearts withdrawn
From my grasp
Forever
Here I am
With the shadow of this stone
My only companion.
Author notes
Well I got my inspiration for this one randomly while at work, from the dashboard confessional song "shade of a poison tree" great song and it lent me the inspiration for the first poem I have written in a long time.
I am not sure about the title or the strucure of this poem
Comments
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Well done.
Well I think the title is great and I also have checked out the structure of this, and I am not sure that it would have the same effect if you structered it any other way. As for the content, I found it very captivating... Great job -
The title works OK - I like the idea of the touch of starlight as a kiss - the poem's structure is loose, but that is in keeping with the flow-of-thoughts scheme of it. The scene is melancholy but doesn't become maudlin, I think it works well, I certainly felt emotion, pictured the scene and was there with you, so it was effective.
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wow. this is very beautifully written! I love the metaphor you used of the light kissing your face. I love how you made everything flow. I just love the emotion that flows out of this! it's amazing! keep up your great work!
Crimson -
Interesting
Thids poem is really sad. It makes my heart hurt, and that is no easy accompishment. Keep the Quill moving.
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