Hand reaching
inside overcoat
fondling gun,
sheepishly waiting in store line,
mind teetering
on sanity's sheer tightrope
falling off
depending
whether
voices in head
have complaint
satisfied by customer service.
Author notes
prompt - fine line
A contest entry
- Word Prompt 10/30 by AliceinPoetryLand.
900 points, ended November 7, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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Have we not experienced something similar to this. Not only a clear-cut story that we all can relate to, but there is also the psychic element that runs through the poem. I have promised myself to be more thoughtful, and never to take a job at customer service! Frans
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Thank you for the wonderful comment
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Wow!!
This is one Powerful piece Sweetness
I would have gotten here sooner but I was judging a contest
This certainly gets the Mind to think and the words leave images that give much to think about!!
Love this!!
Thank You for sharing Your Talent!!
Best wishes to You in all You do!!
Many blessings too
and my Love
~ Desire~*~
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Thank you darling, didn't impress the judge, but what the heck.
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Oh Yikes I know this situation so well. I have been there myself but without the gun!
Thanks for this wonderful entry.
Gaylene
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Yikes
This is scary-real.
Well done friend. -
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Thanks for the wonderful comment.
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This is a very good take on the prompt.
Wonderful imagery and wording indeed
Thanks for sharing this awesome penning.
Best of wishes to you
Tony
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Thanks for the wonderful comment.
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Totally out of left field, but it works excellently. I love how there's an actually scene/story here. This seems like it should be completely serious, but the last line mentioning "customer service" made me smile. The word "sheepishly" seems kind of out of place for the situation, at least to me. But a great write and good luck in the contest.
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Thanks for the great comment. Sheepishly for me was to convey out on the surface he was somebody totallly different than underneath. LIke a pot waiting to boil over you assume is safe.
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Well, that makes more sense. Sheepishly to me made me think of someone standing there looking like a confused idiot, but now I understand the contrast of this to his inner volatile-ness....Thanks for the explanation. I would say only a poet would explain their poem with another simile.
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