you were
random and
said things
that didn't
make sense,
like how i
had a fence
around my
emotions.
this made me
laugh since
our past
involved many
chain links
and this was
an example
of how i was
immature.
irony sat
beside me
across from
you across
the room and
i thought it
was funny that
he was on
my side.
you cried
saying this
wasn't amusing
and i had
"damn well
better decide
to grow up."
this struck
me as odd
since you
were so
fond of
fucking strangers,
but with a
little to
drink i could
probably think
your way.
you asked me
if i had
worn that shirt
this morning,
and i said
no "it was
your brother's"
and
"how's that
for a fucking
fence?"
Author notes
lol
zil
A contest entry
- Whatever by vertigo beat.
3500 points, ended November 13, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I really love your use of metaphor.
You could take this poem and give it a thousand different meanings which makes your writing very versatile.
To me, this poem has a very bitter edge to it.
My absolute favorite part:
"this struck
me as odd
since you
were so
fond of
fucking strangers,
but with a
little to
drink i could
probably think
your way."
It sort of sounds like a come back...like the guy (I'm assuming it's a guy) feels the need to criticize the narrator and her response is a sort of "well you're not perfect either."
Wonderful Job.
~Phoenix
-
Your ending was amazing.
-
yowza!!!!! Not one hundred percent sure I understand the ending, but I loved it anyway!!!
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