One glance felled me swifter than an arrow
and pierced my soul with pain profoundly rare,
the sweetest and bitterest taste of love
‘mid phasing storms of rapture and despair.
But love is not a gift we’re free to pledge
though destiny lies wanting in your eyes,
giving you the whole of my tomorrows
Beloved, in your arms I’d gladly die,
Sweet petals of our love fully blossom,
with consequence that leave us unaware.
As earth beneath our feet is torn asunder
to elevate our bodies in mid air.
I tremble though it isn’t death I fear
your nearness rocks the fundus of my heart,
to own this precious jewel is my hunger
such is the power of love that you impart.
To perish in the essence of your kiss
would only be a moment’s fatal breath,
the poisoned chalice cold upon our lips
would free us to the loving arms of death.
Author notes
Option 9
A contest entry
- THE BEST YOU CAN DO! please enter... :) by LilMrsAttitude.
1600 points, ended March 30, 2008, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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wow, this is one of those deeply felt love poems [not just a poem] but the feeling of needing and wanting it is very predominant in it. I did find the last stanza rather chilling and it took me for a surprise [but I believe that is what made it even better] the reader gasping at the end. Best wishes in this contest,
reenie
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Great emotion and imagery! I loved this line...
"But love is not a gift we’re free to pledge
though destiny lies wanting in your eyes,
giving you the whole of my tomorrows"
Beautiful, poignant ending. -
Nicely done!
Your rhyme is artful, which is rare of me to say, as end line rhyme usually makes me cringe.
Beautiful word choice, and excellent flow.
If I had one critique, it would be in the first line, I think it would have grabbed me better had it been ‘any’ arrow, rather than ‘an’ arrow. Something about it feels catchier to me when I say it aloud. More dramatic, that goes well with the rest of the drama in your piece.
Great work. Best of luck in the contest.
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An awesome poem it's a great write, captures everything the option in the contest is about. The best of luck to you in the contest. xXx
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Wow... absolutely stunning! As I read this I was left breathless! Kudos to you on that!
Now for the technical: From what I saw, spelling, puncutation, grammar, perfect!
Thank you for submitting this "precious jewel" in my contest and good luck.
~*DJ*~
Also, congrats on being the 1st submission in the "Fave's List" category! I was hoping someone on my list would enter... and as usual I wasn't disappointed!
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