The Sweaty Hot air
Turns to Bitter Cold.
A claw like hand,
Reaches down to hold.
Hold on to my soul,
That is fighting to be free.
There is one thing i want,
And thats to be me.
I try to escape,
Only to be blocked.
I run to the door,
But then i find its locked.
I turn around and stare,
into those murky eyes.
Eyes full of hatred,
Eyes full of lies.
I continue to stare,
And as i do.
I see a few things,
That remind me of you.
I see your hate,
Your rage,
Your guilt.
I see a black knife,
Strapped in its hilt.
It is then that i realise,
who i see.
It is not you,
But only me.
A contest entry
- Dark & Depressing Writes! Please enter! by Sheilasbabygal4life.
400 points, ended October 17, 116 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hearts of Darkness.. by Fr33BirdFaLLin.
700 points, ended November 5, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Very good write I like it alot, good luck.
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wow i liked the twist on your ending of this poem
good work -
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thank-you
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This had some real strong emotions and feelings.I am sure that someone out there can realte too this. Thank you for entering and best of luck too you in the contest.
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wow
that was really emotional and deep. I really like the ending, it was a big suprise. -
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Uncle-Gus
thnx
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Awesome
Wow I like the way you pulled me in.Isn't it crazy that the powerless so often become powerful by becoming that self same thing they feared, and the hate jumps from them to you. They take what is essentially precious and destroy it, and you end up blaming yourself for the deed. heat breads hate which breeds hate. I think you just said all that in a much more eloquent way. Did I get it right? I have a poem, "How The Beast Came To The Gallows" check it out.
Much,Much Love
Dark
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Wind Whisper
thnx -
yup!
lol, yh to summarise it u gt it! lol. it has loads of meanins. i like ur poem. its great!
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deep
wow, i love the surprise at the end of it that the person is you, but i dont really get the black knife in the hilt, it doesnt match the rest of the poem -
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Dark The Poet
lol, yh to summarise it u gt it! lol. it has loads of meanins. i like ur poem. its great!
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la-vie-cache
yh couldnt think of nethin to rhythe. (cnt spell lol).
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Wow
This is a great write. I love you imagery, and the way you turn it in the end as a reflection of yourself was amazing. Well done! Though you might want to change the "I turn around and stare... I continue to stare..." They are really close together and seem to clash a little, but if that is the point youi were going for well done! I loved it!
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Era Umbra
Thnx, ill see how that fits.
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wow. this is really good. awesome use of rhyme.
its really emotional and great -
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thnx!
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...
this is totally from the world of darkness.
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lol, ty newayz chaz
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wow, that was pretty good ^^ and it rhymed well :
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thnx kat0, how the hell is this bright green!?!
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