there is nothing left of Dixie here
in this place
no illusion, or foundation of one
she is stripped bare, my Dixie,
lost, and struggling to keep her head above the wave
wave, after crashing wave
And she, she is drowning, my Dixie
with no prophet, or shore in sight for rescue
her cries, like faint mewlings
drift harmlessly into empty space
and she treads water wearily
while i, i in my steadfast little boat
watch with growing fascination
as she swallows, and swallows
mouthful after bitter mouthful
of that briny toxic sea
her head, sinks beneath hungry waves
and i, i cannot think
cannot find any reason, to save her
my drowning Dixie
but that i love her,
and could not stand to see her die
Nyx...
In a list
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this was quite a moving poem for me and I am quite affected by it.
as she swallows, and swallows
mouthful after bitter mouthful
of that briny toxic sea
it certainly feels a bit like that today.
what an amazing write.
well done
Emmy.
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"she is striped bare, my Dixie," - did you mean "stripped"?
I didn't really care for the last two lines. Perhaps it could be intergrated into what's above it; 'cause as it is, it just seems like an addage that doesn't really need to be there.
Other than those things, a good poem here. I like the repetitition, especially.
-Nam
EDIT: It seems I already commented on this. eh. -
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yeah it's stripped, sometimes i can't spell very well.
or im too lazy to notice
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i haven't found the reason why quite yet that i seem to relate deeply to this piece, maybe it's because Dixie just has a hot lil' ass and i'll miss her, or maybe this relates too closely with my own words ...
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Sometimes i wish i could just let her drown, but the queen in me that demands drama, holds her close and wont let her fade to grey
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The first verse could be tightened up a bit in the repetition, to go in-line with the other verses. I do not feel that the last two lines are really necessary. Seems as if an afterthought, which is fine but I just feel it isn't really necessary.
Other than that: good poem.
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it's really necessary...or isn't really necessary
thank you nam , it's been a while... i mainly just wrote it down here since i tend to lose papers quite easily..and didn't want to lose this one...
i'll come back..sometime and fix it up
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