I loved him like the moon loves to gaze
as the sunset loves to perch above the trees
so I loved him with an everyday love
but who would know if I never showed him
when love can not be seen
so must he show his love for me
as my heart shivered like the autum
doth in the coolness
murmuring
panting in his spirit
so 'twas my heart
but he gave no ear
my soul soon went astray
as my presense went too
he finally spoke
as faith I used
and I felt as if I was
within the love of his eye
but my heart still couldn't believe
because he didn't show me
what I showed him
and soon he held back his own heart
embracing it like it was me...
You know, I loved him like the moon loves to gaze
as the sunset loves to perch above the trees
so I loved him with an everyday love
but he still didn't show me
that he loved me!...
A contest entry
- && that was the day my heart [bled like eternal rain] by CatastrophicSmile.
300 points, ended November 21, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - i quite sincerely wish i could fuck off completely. by j-ay rose.
550 points, ended January 20, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Soooo....Please enter there are lots of points!! by ZzBrokenHopezZ.
900 points, ended December 6, 2007, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - *~ Got a Pre-Write? ~* by Desire.
525 points, ended November 30, 2007, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my honorable mention or trophyless by leander.
400 points, ended December 4, 2007, 86 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - options by burdenbytruth.
600 points, ended January 23, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options for the Heartbroken by ThatONEweirdChick.
625 points, ended March 9, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost Anything Goes by bloodletter68.
300 points, ended March 13, 2008, 132 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Sometimes it just really hurts when you love someone so much you'd do like almost anything for them yet they can't do such simple things for you. Like if they care, why can't they show it? Why can't they love you just a fourth of what you did them? Nicely written ...this piece has a lot of words for the imagination. Thanks for entering
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Its been awhile since I read anything from you (so sorry about that). I like this .. but you have repeated a number of words a number of times ie love, heart .. I wonder if this would be better than it is if some of those words could be changed .. just a thought.
The emotion you have put into this along with the imagery is brilliant and I now know that I should have kept more of an eye on your work .. I won't neglect your poetry again.
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wow
this peice is an amazing write great job. i can totaly relate to this and i no how it feels to give all your love to someone and have them not return it. well it flat out suckz but this poem portrays the emotion and pain i love it.
this is my favorite line
"and soon he held back his own heart
embracing it like it was me..."
i love this because it seems like sincere emotion and ties the poem together nicely great job thanks for entering -
Actually, I can relate to this piece very well - but from the male side of it then. I'm also quite a difficult person to show emotions and such
Anyway, I like this one as well
Thanks for the entry!
Leander -
Removing to close this contest. please enter in other contest
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I'm sorry but could you please re enter this poem in a new contest i am holding because of some error made this contest will be shut down a new one will be started same type so don't change the poem please!
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Thank You!
Thank You for Your entry: His Heart He Held
Wonderful piece You have weaved and full of emotions in each line for I felt as if there wanting to shake him and say....can You hear her words...
she speaks from her Heart and Spirit within
Loved these lines:
he finally spoke
as faith I used
and I felt as if I was
within the love of his eye
Magnificent verse You have penned~
Thank You for sharing Your Talent!
Judging will be done shortly
Many blessings to You in our Group contest
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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!
This is a good poem! One of the most inspiring parts is,
"he finally spoke
as faith I used
and I felt as if I was
within the love of his eye"
this is really good, keep writing and thanx for entering. -
very beautiful write. i really enjoyed reading this. thanks for entering and good luck
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lovely
very deep I like how you yused the doth and such in your poem from a diffrent century entirely i love how the poem flows so smoothly like syrup or such, just wonderful -
Refreshing!
Lovely rhythm gently it flows throughout Thank you for sharing this heart-felt write... the next to the last stanza has some beautiful imagery
Good luck in the contest!
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I loved the frist stanza the most!it's jumped out not only because it was first but because of how you used those words beautifully!Good Luck
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