I was born to follow
their lines,
draw years before I was a thought
or a touch of something
coming from nothing.
I can feel them measuring myself
against the edge of their paper,
but I am too startlingly complex
to fit inbetween those lines.
They cover me with intricate
paper roses, begin to mimic
the lines in charcoal.
I was a silent alabaster statue
chaste and gleaming,
and you, unable to contain yourself,
press your fingertips against me
wondering if I'm real or imagination.
In that moment, my breath releases
and their eyes widen,
I realize there isn't enough
paper roses in the world
to rebirth me into silence.
Instead of a precious vase
created to become a prize for someone else
I am the water that flows out of it
to become something entirely different
and never so alone.
Author notes
I read an essay about Ezra Pound, he made a comment about the shape of poetry. It said: "I think there is a 'fluid' as well as a 'solid' content, that some poems may have form as a tree has form, some as water poured into a vase. That most symmetrical forms have certain uses. That a vast number of subjects cannot be precisely, and therefore not properly rendered in symmetrical forms."
'growing leaves and changing coastlines' was a line in that essay that drew me, and made me think of this, therefore it's the title.
I hope you all like this, because I am very proud of it after I read what had come from my fingertips.
Let me know if there is anything to improve, I'm open for all comments.
Prompt: a vase
Theme: moral
A contest entry
- Quest for the Best ~ Round 1 by Asfand.
300 points, ended January 14, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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i think i'll have to agree with asfand. but i think i like you have offered. good luck.
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Nicely done, I like the way you used your words, a nice all-round good poem.
Good, but I see it could have been better. It lacked a little bit for me, regarding creativity, I don't see the vase ebing used as a very 'out of the box' thought here.
But otherwise, an excellent job! -
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I appreciate your comment!
I guess I would have to know your terms of out-of-the-box. I'm into simple, one thought poetry and I choose not to write very off the wall, complex poetry. I think there's beauty in the simple, and I just used the vase a methapor. I'm sorry it lacked for you.
It means alot to me, though.
I'm not berated your comment or anything, just my side.
Thanks for commenting!
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Wow. This is very beautiful. Very very beautiful and I do love your Ezra Pound reference. Nice work teammate. I can't see ANYTHING I would even attempt to change. Just so wonderfully visual. ~Pamela
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Thanks so much.. I appreciate your comment!
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Well done
I very much enjoyed this piece. The imagery, while not exactly the biggest them of the poem, is wonderful, and your word usage is great. Over all, very strong write. I wish you luck in the contest!
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Thanks so much!
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Blew me away
wow, this just blew me away. Here recently i can honestly say this has been the best one since i started to read your poems again. And the whole aren't thing. I'm not so sure about that. I believe if you approached an english professor at the college they would tell you to go with isn't. Aren't i think is more of a slang word, and it doesn't sound at all poetic or professional. It sounds too countrified to me, and as you weel know, country slang has no place in elegant poetry. Anyway it was beutiful. And i were you i'd stick with the words you already used. Don't stray to the aren'ts.lol It just makes poems sounds stupid and makes the writer sound like they lack a wide spread vocabulary.
This was really long, but i loooved it and i loove you.
Kisses,
Ashley
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YES that's how I feel. Aren't doesn't fit well for me.
Thanks for your comment, love, I really appreciate it. *HUG*
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-paper roses, trace the lines
in charcoal, if possible to mimic.
perhaps, just
paper roses, mimic the lines
in charcoal?
-I realize there isn't enough
paper roses in the world
aren't?
-to make me into silence.
awkward. Perhaps, drive me into silence/morph me to silence. Something like that.
-Not sure about the last stanza.
Otherwise, I loved this.
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I like your suggestions, worked it a little bit. I don't like that work "aren't" though. Isn't is fine for me.
Really? I think the last stanza is my favorite. What does it sound like to you? -
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Last stanza: I think I have a problem with the wording. The content is good.
Aren't is just grammatically correct; thought I'd point that out.
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