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- Foreign Tongue - (Rondeau)

 

 

 

 

 

Morals waged a bet,  speech spoke foreign tongue.
Integrity absent,  battle begun.
Memory lapsed,  emotions sought dark suit,
personality hardened,  prayed 'acute'
yet skin wrinkled,  shell withered,  pieces hung.

Advice ignored,  head swelled when knowledge stung
but pin pricked Pride,  bells and whistles rung.
Hate fed in spoonfuls to human recruit. 
     Morals waged a bet...

Leeches suckled,  Soul starved while freedom sung,
requiem with eulogy,  wished face young.
Heart a void in abyss,  painted with ink,
life force spilled from cut on finger,  made drink;
siphoned after family-friends were left strung.
     Morals waged a bet...






Author notes

Username: Desire
Round 3...

My first attempt at a Rondeau...

OPTION 3 - Rondeau
A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long,
consisting of three stanzas:
a quintet, a quatrain, and a sestet
with a rhyme scheme as follows:
aabba aabR aabbaR.
Lines 9 and 15 are short - a
refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the
same metrical length).

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Florida Sunshine
    November 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow~ you never cease to amaze me with your abilites~ you truly show how talented you are. This is a terrific piece.

    Congrats on making it this far~ glad to see you made in~ good luck to you!


  • Sgt B
    November 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I loved the wording

    The suggestion of morality trying to win out when things all around are trying to tempt.

    Advice ignored, head swelled when knowledge stung
    but pin pricked Pride,

    ~Mankind knows better but does it anyway~

    bells and whistles rung.

    ~internal warnings.~

    Hate fed in spoonfuls to human recruit.

    ~Army training Sir!~

    Morals waged a bet...

    ~God knows we have a conscience~

    I liked this style & enjoyed reading it.
    Thanks for sharing it with us all.
    Good luck in the this round of competition.

  • Seeking Peace silver member
    November 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I haven't really seen this poetic form much but I found it fascinating so I of course had to sit here and analyze the form lol... wonderfully written hun you seem to be able to master anything you put your mind to, the traits of a true artist

    Karen


  • HaleyMary
    November 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Great write. I loved the flow of this piece. Great use of metaphors, as well. Best of luck in the contest.


  • Ethereal One gold member
    November 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    excellent!

    This is a very interesting form of poetry. I really like the powerful metaphors you have used here. One of my favorite lines is:

    "Leeches suckled, Soul starved while freedom sung,
    requiem with eulogy, wished face young."

    Good luck in the contest!

    Ethereal One


  • StarEyes
    November 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Holy Smokes, Girl! What a powerful read this one is!! I love it, and you really show some expression in this one! Great job!!

    Best of luck in this Challenge!!

    and love

    Nettie


  • penman gold member
    November 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    Oh my precious, incredible use of form. So powerful and expressive. Best of luck in the challenge.

1 - 7 of 7