I gave you my heart
but you shattered it like you said you wouldn't
I belived you when you said you wanted a new start
I listened although my head said I shouldn't.
I'm hanging from a rope
that is now filled with agony and pain.
I have given up on any kind of hope
I'm dangling now for I couldn't bear the strain.
A contest entry
- Anything Goes by Beating.
450 points, ended December 14, 2007, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Get me writing... by Nicole Hanna.
500 points, ended December 28, 2007, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ SET the BAR ~ Anything Goes~ Possible of 5750 points handed out! by Florida Sunshine.
950 points, ended February 24, 2008, 182 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1709 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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First I made my assessment of what I think ~ Then I usually will look down at the comments (if any) ~ Personally ~ I do agree with Jeanette somewhat, but not completely ~ I do think it needs more... but, I took the last stanza as being more metaphoric than literally hanging from a rope. ~ I do think suicide is cliche of a broken relationship ~ however, you've either purposely or accidentally taken it to a different level ~ leaving the reader with the inturpatation of what they think it is... either literal or metaphorically.
Broken relationships or even if you believe the relationship is broken is a painful experiance, especially when you believe the words being told to you are true. Anyone who has experianced this pain can easily relate to the poem. You feel like it's happening... Shortness of breathe... There are so many feelings that go into it. I think I took it more metaphoric because you put it:
"I'm hanging from a rope
that is now filled with agony and pain."I think the line "That is now filled with agony and pain" make it more of a metaphoric sense of ending it...
But, I tend to read more into poetry than what is intended. ~ I'd luv to know if I'm on the money in any way regarding your piece, and what you intended it to mean.
Thanks for entering this in the "set the bar" contest ~ good luck to you.
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This poem was alright, but you didn't bring out it's potential. I've heard a million poems exactly like this; it didn't really had an extra "oomph" to it or anything special about it. The flow wasn't too great, and the ending seemed a bit forced.
I'm sorry that I'm being so harsh, I just thought maybe I'd try to help you out/be honest.
Jeanette*~ -
HEART-WRENCHING!!!!
Sadly it is so often now that one uses another and then walks away, sometimes one wonders just how another person could do anything like that.
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So very sad and so very heart-wrenching
I remember being in this exact state of mind and it hurts beyond measure
You captured the feelings quite well!
Wishing you the best of luck in the contest! -
I really like this piece. Some might say that it lacked something, but I think that's the beauty of it. Agony doesn't need explanation. It's open to everything, and I really relate. Tough and sad. Good job!
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i lot more could have been said between those lines. it leaves it with sort of incomplete. feel that the pain has to be expressed more openly. i mean pain in your desicions..you have left a lot to reader to understand himself.
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Honestly. If it wasn't for the last line, This would be DQ'd, But that last line saved it. good job.
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You did a wonderful job of expressing your pain. I'm sorry that you are goin thru this and I know it hurts, but it's gonna be okay, just try 'n keep your head up.
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VERY VERY VERY SAD... NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS PAIN... EVEN THOUGH WE REALLY CANT CONTROL IT...I KNOW THAT STILL EVERYONE WISHED THEY COULD CONTROL EVERYTHING THEY FEEL... WHETHER IT BE TO LOVE OR NOT TO LOVE....
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Very sad when a person feels the only way out from the drowning pain that they must take their own life.. You did a great job writing this piece and totally conveyed the hoped for feelings.
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