You are my abatement.
In every word, in every letter-
You distract my crazy world of numbers-
Making sense when I'm lost for good.
Thoughts of you keep me awake at night,
But that's alright, because I can dream of
You when the sun is shining bright.
You make my day, a better place.
Girl your smile's soo pretty, it deserves
More than this world has worthy smiling for.
I would bring up the sun so you could see
Your way through the darkest times, if I Could.
This poem lacks metaphors and mystery, because
I can't lie about you, you're too pure.
And I simply care too much,
So I'll leave it just as is.
Would you guess the last three words?
Author notes
This is probably the last thing I ever write.
A contest entry
- No Perfection by xTomorrowx.
500 points, ended June 6, 2008, 33 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
should I show it to who it was writen for, bearing in mind it might scare her? haha
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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It's great, I love how in the poem you mention the lack of metaphors, I've never seem someone do that in a poem... Interesting...
It's a really great poem, I hope it isn't the last thing you write, this is the only poem of yours that I've read but it makes me believe you have talent...
Thanks for entering this great piece in my contest and good luck! =) -
Totally agree with shadowfax. Girls love to feel loved, so show it to her! She'll love it. Oh yeah, and we'll make up some sort of group to make you keep writing, 'cuz you got talent! Keep writing!
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IF this is the last thing you ever write, I hope that it is only because you have found the strength to tell her in person. Your feelings show very strongly in your words and I would imagine she already sees this. If not, you are stronger than I to be able to hide such raw emotion.
This truly is a beautiful piece, and I do hope it isn't your last.
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Don't let it be the last thing you write
Dont stop writing! This is great and so honest. Show her, show her. Girls like to feel beautiful and loved. Take the chance! I love this part," This poem lacks metaphors and mystery, because
I can't lie about you, you're too pure."
and your last line is a great ending. I love how you don't need to say it and yet it's all right there.
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Your Feelings Make Up For What You Think It Lacks!
"Girl your smile's soo pretty, it deserves
More than this world has worthy smiling for.
I would bring up the sun so you could see
Your way through the darkest times, if I Could." Amazing you say the poem lacks mystery and all that I think what your poem lacks makes up in feeling and wording. You have a talent that I hope she sees, it's very nice to read a poem like this cause it makes me think about when I fell in love with my bf... I hope that things go well for you and great write keep writing.
Don't stop cause if you do it's just one more voice that might go unheared. At least I hear it!
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"Girl your smile's soo pretty, it deserves
More than this world has worthy smiling for."
That is the best part of the poem, best stanza also. Truly emotive,sweet, and well written. I think anybody reading this would just love it And dont stop writing, if you can produce this you can produce much more great things!
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=0
brilliant!!
dont stop writing!
or i'll hurt you!
x
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