Past tense
-once and done-
over.
Swollen, beating, bleeding;
my life was once alive,
my heart once controlled my thoughts.
You were once important.
Drooling, stumbling aimlessly;
we separated once...
once I was a mindless zombie,
doomed to stalk the empty earth.
Present (future)
-ongoing (and neverending)-
(continuously) now.
Singing, dancing, praising;
oh glorious day! salvation has been realized!
an eternal sanction far beyond
the mediocre life of you.
Be proud that you were once my life
For I am proud that that life is now in the past...
Author notes
Picture one; relevant because she seems semi-there, disappearing, as I did into a better world at the end.
A contest entry
- Goodbye, My Love. by Never Fall in Love.
600 points, ended December 14, 2007, 40 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
And your thoughts are...?
Comments
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thank you both so very much! i've been wanting people to comment on this for a while but I refuse to whore my poem.
I'm glad you both liked it! tell your friends!! -
the mediocre life of you.
There's great truth in that one line. I agree with trista on the interpretation of the poem - as she was fading away. I also have to admit that I liked the contradictions in one of the stanzas - those always seem to amaze me..
Thank you for entering
Never ♥
Ps: I love your beat as it was constant and made me wonder if it was rhyme..
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I love your interpretation of the picture, and how you related it to your own life. The repetition of words in a poem usually isn't a good idea IMO, but the way you put emphasis on the word "once" worked well here, I thought. I also liked the positive ending.
Thank you for your entry in the contest, and good luck.
Best wishes,
~J.
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