You appear lifeless; you’ve shelled into the epitome of blank stares.
You warm your surface under my sheets of fury, as I observe you posing there
I have resisted my emotions for so many years
But the pain bulleting my heart is ascending my fears
Your choke over me has gagged my every vision and thought
You have discharged my power and left me distraught
It is you that can ease my pain; I just don’t want to give in
But you're promising to show me a new life free from sin
One shot of your existence could barrel my emotions
Only you can unlock my penitentiary of perceived notions
You will tempt me no longer, for I surrender thee
I will pull your trigger now so this pain sets me free.....
Layne Cirelli 2007
Author notes
I chose Gun as my object for this contest!
A contest entry
- Who can Object by Legend.
1800 points, ended November 15, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Very appealing.. touching too. Nicely written dear..
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after looking at your face
I was suprised at your choice, of course your choice.
So young and so pretty. so sad....mac
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DOnt be sad for me, I am not the girl in the poem thankfully
Just thought the choice would be a good one to make seem one way only to find out in the end it was all about a gun. Crazy imagination sometimes. Thank you for your comment
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This is brutal. I think of someone who has lived with depression for years but hasn't been able to go through with IT. Such an interesting and haunting point of view, very effective writing, I'm impressed!
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Thank you so much, I really appreciate that, I am glad you enjoyed it!
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Maybe I should surrender.... Beautiful Layne and your always so real.. So true!!!!! " Your choke over me has gagged my every vision and thought" WOW!!!!
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Superb finishing line: your poem allowed the reader to reach different conclusions along the way until you revealed tha final line. Good Luck in this contest. Von
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Thank you, I am glad you enjoyed it
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Another dark, yet strangely edifying poem Layne. Your words just trigger my imagination and makes the picture so clear and the emotions so understandable. Another wonderful job!
-Roti
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I think that you used the gun
very forcefully as a metaphor. At least the pooem may be read excellently that way rather than a literal interpretation.
Thank you.
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Oh very powerful to say the least. Beautifully penned with great thought and wonderful word choice. Well done and good luck in the contest.
Shaz xx
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Excellent. reading this one was lead to believe it was on a matter not at all in line with the finale Though reading closer everything pointed to it ( the object that is) making this an even more talented write Excellent good luck in the contest
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Thank you very much, I am glad you enjoyed it
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uhm...oh...whew!
At first I thought I was reading one of the hottest pieces of ....nevermind! l.o.l.! This is very very good homegirl! lots of luck in the contest!
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Thanks, you to
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Very creative! I enjoyed reading this piece. It kept me hooked all the way through. The ending tied it all together. Good luck in this contest.
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Thanks Mo, I had fun with this, I knew I wanted to give it a little twist and I am just happy it worked out the way I wanted, thanks for reading!
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It definately worked out right. The pleasure's all mine.
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AWESOME!!! I thought the whole time you were talking about a significant other of some kind, only to turn it around to needing to commit suicide. What a great piece!!!!! Excellent job, once again!!!!
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Thank you, thank you
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Unbelievable CREATIVITY!!!!!
The surprise ending was amazing and I love the creativity used in this!!! The words came so perfectly together... Another great piece!! By far the best line..You will tempt me no longer, for I surrender thee
I will pull your trigger now so this pain sets me free..... Loved it!!
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