Flashes in a cloud
saturated sky falls down
silent echoes cry.
Sleeping willow wakes
flooded drops reverberate
drains away at night.
Stranded tree embossed
roots cemented water lost
seasons' drying tears.
Author notes
Haiku
7-5-7 Syllable count
My first attempt, hope this is acceptable.
A contest entry
- Tanka or Haiku Contest by misticmoonlite.
675 points, ended November 13, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I think that the first and third are good, but two I am not so sure about. Haiku is tough, the simple description really needs to speak of something without coming across as too intellectual or considered, as if it should just happen.
Yes, the third is my favourite. It has a power with it.
Great start!
Have you read Lotus of Lakshmi's haikus? She's good. -
nice
good piece...though it's not too clear but is it spring to summer?
Idk ..for suer.. but it's pretty good
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this is really well thought up excellent piece.
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Thank you for your comment. It is much appreciated...especially this being my first attempt at Haiku!
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lovely Haiku
you did nicely on your first,I am just getting into them so ,I know how you feel, keep writing, thank you for your entry, good luck...mm
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Many thanks for your comment. I am stunned that it ended up being not such a bad first attempt. I did enjoy writing it and will most certainly write some more.
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It's beautiful Nanette, I loved this! Great first attempt.
Lil
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