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Waiting Game

Missing image

Waiting Game

I’m so lost and I love him so.
My friends all wonder why I wait.
Is this the way that he could know?
I need him so, he’s my soul mate.

My friends all wonder why I wait.
They said that I should write instead.
I need him so, he’s my soul mate.
So this is what my letter said:


My Cold Loneness


My hopes and dreams as I stand in the cold;
You’ve given me much more than you could know.
Come back my love, I promise I will hold,
Our love so true, as the pure winter’s snow.
Longing for your touch, keeps me standing here;
Driven by my love, wanting you back home.
Lonely hours pass by, as I wait for you,
One can feel the fear, standing all alone.
No one could have known, what I have been through,
Everything is clear, as the winter’s throne.
No one understands what I see in you,
Excited as I wait, frozen to the bone.
Standing in the cold waiting for your bus,
Soon it will be warm, loving heat from us.

They said that I should write instead.
I’m so lost and I love him so.
So this is what my letter said:
Is this the way that he could know?

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Pantoum with an imbedded Acrostic Sonnet

In a list

A contest entry

Comments:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • Rovingone gold member
    November 9, 2008

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    Just so good! I am so happy to know where the best poet alive is hiding! No doubt Amera, you are just the best there is. This touches so deep inside.

  • Angelshadow
    November 9, 2008
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    Beautiful.
    Amazing master piece.
    Lovely.


  • Summer52
    November 9, 2008
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    Simply B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L !


    summer51


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 9, 2008

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    This was wonderful, i don't know what else to say, each with its own kind of sorrow and love, keep it flowing and congrads on the gold.


  • Cup-a-Joe
    November 9, 2008
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    Woo Hoo

    Gold-Front Page-Joe's Seal of Approval, and
    three clapping Irishmen.
    Joe


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    November 8, 2008
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    Amazing


  • fangs to blame
    November 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for sharing this wonderful write.


  • 2lullabyhaven
    November 8, 2008

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    Amera, this is so goooood. Congrats on your Gold
    Keep that ink flowing lol


  • Sue Cardwell gold member
    January 24, 2008

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    Dear Amera,
    Though Jeff has already spoken on my behalf, I feel I must add my congratulations personally. This was for me a real joy to read and experience.

    Thank you

    Love
    Sue


  • moonbumps silver member
    January 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well done- well deserved-you set a high standard.
    xxx


  • Gwenevere
    January 24, 2008
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    Well done on Gold.congratulations, Ros


  • RuthKephart
    January 24, 2008
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    Beautiful


  • kvwriter silver member
    January 24, 2008

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    Congrats! This is a wonderfully touching write. It has touched my heart. Well done. Best to you on the journey.--Kel


  • Soloneili
    January 24, 2008

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    Solid Gold

    Hello, I'm very new here, and joined to expand my knowledge and experience in creative writing. All I can say is congratulations on a deserved triumph. You seem to be someone who says what you are going to deliver, then you deliver it. I have personally learned much from reading this, and will do so for a long time. It's also a great priviledge to read your work which I've encountered elsewhere as I fumble around in here. Your discipline, interpretation and inventiveness are the hallmarks of a considerable talent and it gives me huge encouragement to know that the talent in here is almost without measure. I have been so impressed with the standard of poetry in AP from the pens of people that seem so gifted. I salute your skill, and the picture the words, and the structure, are in perfect harmony. Thank you.


  • cricketjeff gold member
    January 24, 2008
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    I surrender, writing a pantoum with an embedded acrostic would not only make me write you a very rude and totally unworthy comment, it would kill me! Wonderful stuff.

  • cricketjeff gold member
    January 24, 2008

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    What a poem!!!! no what a pair or even threesome of poems. Sue and I can only find one thing to criticise, we both feel the highlighting of the acrostic detracts from the poem, it should (in our opinions) be a delightful hidden surprise to reward the reader. Not that any extra reward is needed. This is a simply wonderful poem, the form and the acrostic fit perfectly and naturally and the "poetics" and the content compliment each other perfectly. If anyone wants to see modern rhyming poetry at its very best I would have no hesitation in pointing them here.


    Thank-you very much for your continued support in the series. When we started running these it was hard to find rhymers on AP who would admit their guilty secrets, now many of the best "Free-Versers" are entering!
    On a more personal level I know that this series has improved my own poetry enormously and that Sue feels the same. We have also met a great many poets we did not know existed several of whom I now class as friends. Thank-you very much for this entry.


  • mborda
    January 16, 2008

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    Nice job!

    I don't think this is your best piece, however. As soon as I saw who wrote this, I said to myself: Oh, she writes awesome sonnets. But this wasn't really "doing" it for me. I think the content could have been a little deeper(?). This is just my two cents, however! Take it or leave it!

    Good luck in the contest.


  • crazziladi
    November 12, 2007

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    This a beautiful piece I really enjoyed you used wonderful form however The line You've given me is missing the o in the word you've easy fix!!! good luck in the contest


    • Amera gold member
      November 12, 2007
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      Oooo.... thanks, that must have happened when I was changing colors.


  • Denierim
    November 10, 2007

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    Usually when I hear a poem is combined together with 2 different forms, I get worried because only a few people can make it work. It's seems you surealy are one of those people!

    The emotions in this piece is breathtaking and I love the letter in the middle, the poem in the poem. They could work well if separated, but still combine together so well! Such beautiful wording...

    Thanks for sharing this with all of us; this is such a beautiful write!


  • jo-el
    November 9, 2007

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    you crafted this well indeed. the poem within the poem as an acrostic is more than beautiful. the passion and the simple sincerity necesary to wait so lovingly and patiently is clear in every line. besides that this is without question one of the more skillfully prepped acrostics i've ever read. every thought flows seamlessly into the next much like a rainbows unbroken transition of color that blends softly without any awkward hard lines or breaks. loved the repetition that continues from what was established in the first 2 stanzas. sounds real nice read aloud. so excellent on many levels


  • Blue Rew silver member
    November 7, 2007

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    Powerful emotion...I loved the weaving in of the letter, makes quite an impression in form as well
    as expression. Matching thought to image in an excellent display of talent. Best to you, Blue


    PS-Y u’ve given me much is missing the o in you've


  • Silent Cougar Moderators member
    November 6, 2007

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    Simply stunning...

    You always know when to pen and what to pen at the given time to create an accepted piece my niece.

    Your skill and talent with the written word bring me much joy every time I open a page of yours. Nothing less than a smile is always given when you write.
    You were surely crowned Form Queen long ago, and long may you reign.




  • Desire gold member
    November 6, 2007

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    Wowzers!!

    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw this is one Precious piece You have penned Sweet One
    I felt the sadness and longed for her wish to come true...felt myself cheering her on
    Love the forms You used!!
    Very very Creative...and hard to do ...
    but You did it

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent!!
    Woooooooooooo Hooooooooooooooo
    Best wishes to You in the contest!
    Many blessings too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • Cup-a-Joe
    November 6, 2007
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    wow

    You amaze me.


  • crazziladi
    November 6, 2007
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    Beautifully written I love the two together but could not envision the picture however! Still quality work!

  • Judith Chandler
    November 6, 2007
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    nice use of poetic form


  • HaleyMary
    November 6, 2007

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    Great write, Sis. Powerful write with much emotion. I think a letter is always a great way to let someone know that they are loved by someone else. I liked the title of this piece. Waiting can be hard sometimes. I've played the waiting game all my life and there are days when I worry about how long it may be before I don't have to wait anymore. Wonderful poetic form, as always. Good luck in the contest.


  • PerVirtuous
    November 6, 2007

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    This is brilliant. I love the form, message, and everything about it. You are all alone when it comes to this kind of thing. There are no peers.


  • Whispering Wind Moderators member
    November 6, 2007

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    BREATH TAKING

    Please pass the tissues a little tear has slipped from its place*rose* This is so beautiful and just filled with tender emotions...Such a heart warming love letter to a soul mate*hug* Winner for sure in every way*rose*

    Thank you Little Blue Star for sharing with me:f:f:f


  • StarEyes
    November 6, 2007

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    You are just too good girl!! Incorporating an arcoustic within this one WOW!!!

    This is heart wrenching and wonderful!! One can feel the love and heart ache in your words here. I can relate to the feelings you speak of in this one. I love it!! What a great job you did on this one!

    Best of luck in this contest!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • Rebekah-Ann silver member
    November 6, 2007

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    so very sorry that your precious heart is aching sweet Amera.

    This was a lovely write! Very intelligently planned and beautifully penned to picture a love so pure as the whiteness of snow. Yet so alone you are without the love that your heart freezes in asking the rhetorical question as to whether or not this poem will reach him.

    I believe that words dwell the atmosphere forever. By posting this poem it is send out into space and as each reader reads this the words are in the "mail".

    Good luck with the contest!

    Lovely poem.

    Love
    Becks


    • Amera gold member
      November 6, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Aww... thanks, it's all fiction. That's what the picture prompt made me think.

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