Please Understand....For Me

I thought I would be hysterical. Plain and simple.
I thought my heart would be torn out again and again
but the pain he's caused has made me quite nimble
and my pain is no longer multiplying by ten

He had embraced me, he disowned me
and everything little in between
for three years I was not me
but felt controlled and unseen

When he smiled, I felt more love than I thought
it was as though every bad moment melted away
but when he was mad, I was once again caught
between my own happiness and his that I kept turning gray

But now as I look at my sweet angel sleeping soundly
I feel free, I feel relieved, to find someone who loves me
that I can say those three words back profoundly
without feeling as though I was lying to myself, you see

Unable to sleep, unable to eat, my mind wandering
embracing this wonderful feeling, of surprising affection
I look back on the last three years, pondering
whether I was blinded by my own fear of rejection

For I can feel all the unwanted feelings of remorse
and uneasiness about that one love before
I loved him, I know I did, but I'm letting life take its course
and smiling shyly as I close that once jammed open door