Feeling the lies and the truths
Unravel and fall under again
Watching everything break apart
Telling me what I've been missing
Never letting me know what I've known
And somehow I've taken to you
A love which I cannot share
The world is a brilliant place
And these distortions an annoyance
Broken thoughts and blurred images
Can't seem to get it together again
And when you told me who you were
I saw who you were for who I am
And told me to hush now
Paranoia causing this disillusion
Break down and shut down
Gotta get my thoughts together again
Sometimes I watch who you are
Shifting and becoming anew
Evolving and living a lie
My eyes catching yours
As my soul seems to run
Don't know why I'm this way
This uncomfortable situation
With you in this chair
The lies coming out to you
The truth lying to my mind
Somehow everything I say breaks
Distorts and seems as nonsense
And when I try to figure it out
It all leaves me again
This sense of reality
Melting out of my stone hands
A contest entry
- PreciousRainGirl Screen Name Giveaway by Ted E Bare.
300 points, ended December 20, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Be ready for real CRITICISM........ by algoressister.
500 points, ended November 11, 2007, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Hi,
I am not going to harass you about punctuation....you are one of the rare, talented type, who realize that adjustments need to be made to get your point across, without the structure, we are all so used to using....I like your subject matter. It reminds me of the evolution ,of a psychiatric office therapy session...Truth and lies are subjective....A clever and interesting read....TTFN Love Laurel

-
Your poem holds credible value as in how it was written, but misses the mark for the contest as wanting to be a precious rain girl. Maybe I just didn't read it right, but I wasn't convinced at all especially since you don't even give a compelling love for the rain in your write. I am anxious to start writing romantically to one of you talented poets. I want to thank you for entering my "PreciousRainGirl Screen Name Giveaway" contest.



Ted E
PS: You may want to check out her page and hope you will like the way I currently have set it up for the arrival of one of you talented poets!
http://allpoetry.com/PreciousRainGirl


