Face
to face.
And I, And you
with the silence of
light pinching our lips
shut.
And dust
piled on top.
Author notes
sshhhh.....
In a list
A contest entry
- 22 words or less - 3 days by Namita.
300 points, ended November 8, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is the second piece of yours that I’ve read, and I have to admit that already I’m impressed.
I mentioned cummings before, and I am seeing some influence of his in your works I’ve read so far (again, numbering two… so I may be premature in saying so).
For so few words to convey so much feeling, or create such imagery in the reader requires a great deal of skill. The simplicity of the piece makes it so accessible, but the complexity of the imagery leaves quite a bit up for interpretation.
Your playful, but deliberate use of spacing is also quite wonderfully done.
Let me give you my perspective on your piece, where it ‘takes’ me.
In darkness, we feel so much more free to speak our minds. The anonymity the darkness affords us, frees us to be ourselves, which is why I can see the image of being face to face, in the light, pinching our lips shut. We can never say the things we’d like to when presented with that situation.
It also relates back to the title, because we may well be talking, but not about anything I’d REALLY like to say. So there is all kinds of sound, but no substance.
The last lines give me the impression that this is something that I’ve been dying to say for a really long time, but I’ve let it be ‘collecting dust’ if you will.
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ooh well I can relate to this "hush..." scenario.
you are so creative .. the whole thing is fabulous.
"with the silence of
light pinching our lips
shut.
And dust
piled on top.
"
that blew me away though. your writing is perfect.
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wowwie.
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wow
very nice my friend...very good indeed
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<3
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mmmm.
this leaves a good taste in my mouth.
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everything about this is dripping with silence it seems....but what does that mean?
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I love this. It's very complex and simple and original.
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thank you
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