Our romance depended solely on
those moments of dissonance,
where tension would build up
and was desperate for release.
Bodies spread across blankets
like sheet music awaiting notes.
A harmony of sighs escaping
underneath staccato breathing.
Our music was always in tune;
you knew all the right chords.
A chorus of melodious moans
anticipating the final crescendo.
Then we lied in consonance,
a sense of sheer satisfaction,
knowing it wouldn’t be much
longer until our next duet.
Author notes
Other musical terms used:
Chorus: a part of a song that recurs at intervals, usually following each verse; refrain.
Duet: a piece of music written for two vocalists or instrumentalists.
Note: a sign or character used to represent a tone, its position and form indicating the pitch and duration of the tone.
Rhythm: the element of music pertaining to time, played as a grouping of notes into accented and unaccented beats.
Sheet music: music printed on unbound sheets of paper.
Tune: a succession of musical sounds forming an air or melody, with or without the harmony accompanying it.
In a list
A contest entry
- The Music In Me Comes From Your Soul by HerbalGoat.
405 points, ended November 24, 2007, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Music Theory Terms inspired poems by BrittlesSkittles.
900 points, ended January 3, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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i found this poem pretty sexy but in a romantic way. you know how to use words well. great job! thanks for entering!
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yet another stunning metaphor. reminds me a bit of my poem "The Pianist" except that yours is so much better. deserved the silver!
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bravo!
i have 20+ years of formal music study and only about 5 of writing that are very informal. this is such a delight to be read aloud! truly, i've tried a few times to write about music but can't scale it down or focus enough. using musical metaphors for relationships is can be overdone or cheesey, however not here at all!!!
most of my experience is with the viola and percussion (everything but drum set). and though my decaying health (i must apologize if i cannot remember terminology--i had brain surgery 2 years ago that damaged my memory and vocabulary stealing my ability to recall terminology/names for my beloved music as well as a bit of my ability to perform as well as i could. that said though i still have a great love and knowledge of music in all its graces, even if the words get lost before i can type or say them.
)
(oh dear, i hope you don't mind lengthy comments but this is so nifty its getting a bookmark! i can learn from it!)
first, i read your piece aloud once and then again a few more times! i read all poems aloud once and the ones i enjoy at least once more time to better concentrate on the details.
i felt like picking up a baton, like a great conductor the more i read this. you must have more than the average knowledge of musical composition. i'll start by noting this this has a cadence, a magnificent flow and many other musical elements that the average fan of music may or may not have picked up in music appreciation--depending on their dedication to learning or the person teaching it.
now a break from the music part solely, the metaphor of music with a relationship is quite unique as you dare to pen right off the bat in that first stanza. thats a bold move and uningnorable--something that is important in all art, not just music or poetry. i envy and respect you for this.
"Bodies spread across blankets / like sheet music awaiting notes." -- magnificent allusion with a tease too. very very creative. you have a gift! don't let anyone tell you otherwise. and then you follow it up with "A harmony of sighs escaping / underneath staccato breathing." i'm left speechless, this is one hell of a stanza. "staccato breathing"--what command of words you have!
Then in the stanza three "A chorus of melodious moans"-- diction that refuses to be ignored about passion so strong and physical, yet done so with class.
The last stanza holds its own with the other three, for too many reasons to get into, but i enjoyed the alliteration in particular.
Its not so often you see a piece with four stanzas that all have strong points. Kudos to you.
The flow, the rhythm they work well and they must, for this piece due to its topic.
*stops for one final read aloud*
You know, I think the thing that strikes me most about this is how bold it is. If one is familiar with the musical terminology, the language, metaphors and similes its quite clear the relationship is not a typical one.
That alone helps me to hear the music you describe with your pen. Being able to do that--well, I think its a gift you have--is not something I run across as often as I would like. Then again, its precious isn't it, if its rare?
I have no suggestions. Please do keep writing. I immensely enjoyed this piece and repsect you for writing it. Perhaps I'm a bit envious in a good way.
Much appreciation for sharing it. I can't imagine how it only received a silver. Regardless, as a musician with not much poetry background and very low self-esteem in all areas except my knowledge of music performance I do hope you allow yourself to feel very proud of this!
a fan
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wow, could you hum that along with me for awhile,
it is sure to be a classic. lovely write, music and love are so much alike, and you showed that well here~~~Artis
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Superb imagery this is a wonderful poem Congratulations on the silver trophy Keep up the wonderful work
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I love how you used music as a metaphor for a romantic night together, furthermore, sex. It is beautifully done and not over emphasized. Amazing!
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This is wonderful, very fresh and original, comparing a relationship to a duet, I love it!
"Bodies spread across blankets
like sheet music awaiting notes."
My favourite lines
xxx
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Unique and beautiful.
I loved it. The flow was great and the whole feel is simply amazing.
Well done...
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AWESOME!
This was absolutely gorgeous and brilliant! The way you used the musical diction was so creative. I am very impressed.
This also had a wonderfully soft flow to it. Almost like piano music... it just rolled up and down until the final note. Beautiful!!!
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lovely imagery and feel. here is a subject thst i love but envy i can never write ones on this subject matter of quailty so i give you major props it was nice not distatseful and fun to read
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