dark hair, hazel eyes
I seem like a typical teen
no different from the masses
but do you believe the story?
did you judge my book by its cover?
can all you see is the physical me?
well then. I can change that.
I have, buried deep, things I wish not to speak of
however-if you need to know me-
then let's go down
on the first level of cerebral tissue
we have a collection of light memories
some laughs, annoyances, anger
no earth-shattering honesty here.
shall we descend to the second layer?
here there be more serious pain
betrayal from a 'friend'
loneliness for one year
being stripped of all that matters
losing the people I thought I loved
locking away emotion and melting down the key
those long months were life lost
down one half-floor and we spy it....
a pit of seething rage, waiting to be unleashed
upon that pitiful excuse for a human being
that dares ignite a flame that never dies
churning, slithering, hissing anger
built up of years and years
sometimes it overtakes me
then no one is truly safe
descent.
a vast ocean of sadness hides beneath the anger black
those feelings that turn their ashamed teary eyes away in shame
no one sees me cry
just like the physical barrier that bars me from affection.
because it's easier than the pain.
the strength of the sadness rivals much the anger
though depression keeps a tighter lock
no key exists to truly release it
and it was created from the same situation that created its brother, fury
and down we go.
this level we see has so many things
I wouldn't know where to begin
even more serious thoughts, feelings, memories
that must be saved for another time.
feel free to examine closely
but without me. I can't stand emotion for this long.
so did my book live up to its cover?
am I simply another punk teen?
do you believe that I want only chaos
or can you sense the feelings in between?
A contest entry
- prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
500 points, ended November 9, 2007, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No Perfection by xTomorrowx.
500 points, ended June 6, 2008, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire a young depressed soul, give me inspiration by Fedrizzi.
340 points, ended December 20, 2007, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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very strong emotional poem, strongly worded, alot about pain and hate and rage, ty for your entry and I wish you luck in the contest
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This is good, I love it, there always are things beneath the surface that you don't often let people see, me, I just look like an ordinary teen, one of those normal ones that fits in at school, I'm one of the few poets at my school, half my school would bag the crap out of me if they realised I loved writing so much... I don't drink, again, people wouldn't understand that if I told a lot of them... There are many more things I keep to myself that noone else, except sometimes my closest friends, know about me...
I like this poem, it's great, thanks heaps for entering and good luck! =) -
To me this read more like prose with broken lines. I understand the need to tell a story but my problem is that is indeed told and not shown as much.
I think your foundation is strong, I love the idea of the layers but this could really benefit with some tightening, some reworking and stanzas.
Just my opinions -
I LOVE IT!... do u really feel this way?? :'[
its really good.. i love how u do the whole... and on this layer kinda thing, its really cool. It's like uncovering ur life. lol.
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oooh i like it... very moody and angsty. Your are cranking it out too... and i have possesed you. its very warm in you. hahaha
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