N E R D -- W H O R E -- P R E P -- J O C K -- P I G -- B I T C H
♂ ♀
W Stereotypes L
H I
I E
S Trapping you in a cage of words ♂
P Locking you in R
E Slamming the door U
R M
♀ O
S Don't let them tell you R
T Who you are, who you should be ♀
A You know who you are C
R H
E U
♂ You know EXACTLY C
C Who you are K
H Who you want to be L
U Rip the cage apart E
C Tear those walls to shreds ♂
K S
L T
E Pick bits of words out A
♀ Out from under your nails R
R Claw your way out E
U Out from this cage ♀
M Out of this life W
O H
R I
♂ Be who you are S
L Don't let them trap you P
I With their insignificant words E
E R
♀ ♂
R A C I S T -- E M O -- T H U G -- L O N E R -- F R E S H M A N
Author notes
I want to work on this a little more possibly.
What do you think?
A contest entry
- You were born an original. Don't die a copy. (Now allowing prewrites) by Metaphorist.
600 points, ended November 19, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No Options Any Topic!!!!!!!!!! by mattpak717.
420 points, ended November 11, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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oohh! i really liked the cage of words on this poem! good job! it made the poem way more dramatic! very nice =) good luck in contest!
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Positives: Before even beginning to read this poem, I was impressed with the “cage of words” or rather letters you presented here. Very creative! While I have seen and used the metaphor of being a prisoner more than once before, this format made it work and more original. I also like the hopefulness displayed in the end and the reiteration of being trapped used in the first and last lines.
Negatives: I requested for poems with 20-50 lines, and this is only 18. I’m not sure if you included the letters surrounding the poem as lines to the poem. If so, I would prefer that they actually spell something out. If not, please add the missing lines. Some suggestions for improving this piece: I would remove the periods at the end of the first three lines. Also, in “Don’t let them tell you, / tell you who you are”, consider getting rid of one of the “tell you”s.
Thank you for your entry into my contest. Good luck!
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I Changed it up a bit--
I was also thinking about making words around the outside, but I thought it may be distracting.. But I like it now that I see it.
And I also made it longer. -
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Much better. What a great idea to put stereotypes that are used around the edges!
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