I watch regrets spin around my head
with the trace of cigarette smoke that's left
from that time before when words were cheap,
when souls were too busy pretending to be deep
to notice where they were headed,
and when the smoke was thick enough to hide my tears
but still thin enough
that you could see me standing there
in all that beautiful agony
that I put on with my makeup in the morning.
I never got tired of pretending.
I'd like to say i've done exciting things
and thought interesting thoughts,
but really I'm only a lonely girl.
Just a sad case of
"No one loves me"
who used sex as love
and love as blackmail.
I'd like to say that's all the past,
but it's made me who I am.
This shirt is too light and
I can see through it
the stains on my skin.
These marks will never go away.
Even when you can't see them anymore
I'll still remember what a shameful thing I've been.
Author notes
I hope this is ok.
It's pretty personal.
Maybe a bit confusing. Let me know if it is.
I don't mind a critique on the technical aspects of the poem, as I realize they may need work, but I'd apreciate it if you keep your hands off the meaning a little. Thanks.
A contest entry
- Show me inside your head by icyrose.
900 points, ended November 8, 2007, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
There's no need for you to think I would criticize the meaning of the poem...actually it's something I and many other teenage girls can relate to. Actually I wouldn't touch the form either, and the fact that it's a bit confusing adds to the meaning of the poem, as I don't think this was a very clear and happy period for you. All I would do would be to correct that 'exiting' to 'exciting' on the 12th line, but I'm sure that was simply a typo.
Don't over criticize your poem, its flow is a bit different and not schematic, which is again great for the theme of the poem. I really like this piece, it might not be overly metaphoric like all the prewrites that entered this contest, but in its simplicity it is extremely deep and describes a problem so many girls have. The fact that you took the time to write this especially for my contest is always something I love seeing.
Thanks, and good luck!
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