There you are,
Standing under the sun.
Letting it gleam off your face.
It brightens your smile,
But mostly just my day.
You are the one I choose.
The one I feel the need to love.
But then,
Almost a year ago,
You tore out my heart,
And ripped into magnificent, tiny pieces.
You left me all alone.
And now won't even speak.
You laugh with your friends,
But even that is gone,
As soon as you see me.
You haven't seemed to notice
That I still care about you.
You haven't seemed to care about me,
Since you took notice I cared.
And that really hurts.
You left me all alone,
With no one to love,
No one to laugh with
No one to smile at,
And no one to wish to be with forever.
You haven't looked at me
The way you did
So many months ago.
And it really kills me,
To think you don't love me anymore.
You never took my hand,
Or hugged or kissed me.
But that's fine.
Because you said you loved me.
And you said I was beautiful.
So, you are the one I love.
Author notes
This is about a guy - same one as usual - that loved me about 11 months ago. He really hurt me when he said it was over, and then decided we couldn't be friends. sometimes he looks at me, with regret in his eye. but i can hardly look at him, without pain in mine. and for the contest this is the option: #8) love.
A contest entry
- THE BEST YOU CAN DO! please enter... :) by LilMrsAttitude.
1600 points, ended March 30, 2008, 66 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Love Writes Here! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 8, 2008, 306 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How did you like it? Anything to fix?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is so sweet, you such a caring person. This shows in this piece x
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This really holds a lot of hurt and pain.
It is a very emotional piece of poetry.
I believe we have all experienced this and
it is painful, as you describe so well.
good luck in the contest. -
Hi
I think you have a grate talent I loved it..
I loved the way you made your feelings clear and the once that he once had for you!
I hope you find love once more!
I really liked the verse:
'You haven't looked at me
The way you did
So many months ago.
And it really kills me,
To think you don't love me anymore.'
Well done and good luck with the contest
XxSarahxX
God Bless You And All You Care For!
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Thank you for correcting this and I apologize for being so... ummmm... anal?
Now on with the show.
Your poem is very well-written for someone of your age. (Heck for any age for that matter!) Love is for every age group and you are no exception! This guy obviously doesn't deserve you. Keep your chin up, there are a million other fish in the sea. Okay, now for the technical:
In some places the punctuation seems inappropriate. Try reading your poem out loud. Everywhere you have a punctuation mark, pause. If it seems odd, try without pausing. If it sounds better without the pause, remove the punctuation.
1. The 1st three lines, 1st stanza----> try removing the comma on the 1st line, change to comma on 2nd line.
2. 3rd stanza----> try removing the period from 1st line allowing 1st two lines to become one sentence.
These are the only two I'm going to comment on because the rest are up to you.
Congrats on being the 1st entry in the "Love" category and good luck in my contest.
~*DJ*~
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Very powerful, I love the way you brought out the feelings that you had for him and that he had at one point for you. I like it. Great job.
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I love it!
I felt something like this before I found my current bf... so I can relate.
Keep writing! =]
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