This life we live,
brings heartache and tears
Will we live like this
for the rest of our years?
Only God has the answers,
and to him we pray,
please dear Lord,
come make it all okay.
Deliver us faith,
and stop all this pain.
We want to be happy
Yet this man he's so vain.
I try to keep on smiling,
but no longer can I do.
I need some peace inside my head,
so I give it up to You.
I don't want to fight this battle,
I do not have the strength.
Help me through this grief, dear God,
and carry me this next length.
We lean on you with all our might,
We're trying to stay strong,
But without you Lord, I have this fear,
I won't stay strong for long.
My kids and I, we need you now,
to see our way through life,
for the pain we bear cuts through our wrists
like a sharp, serrated knife.
Author notes
a personal experience
A contest entry
- Which One Would You Do?? by ClassicallyBroken.
550 points, ended November 15, 2007, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotions. by lilblueeyesmine1978.
450 points, ended December 24, 2007, 44 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want emotion! by TwiztidMaggot.
600 points, ended December 20, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm in pain, but let me feel yours. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended January 13, 2008, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I want readers to give me honest feedback and any suggestions you may have.
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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this is a powerful piece, I know
just how you feel, hang in there!
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nicely done!
but i would use stanzas (that's just me). -
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Thank u so much for commenting on my poem. You are right on the stanzas, I need to use them. I appreciate the suggestion, thanks. I really do think you are a talented poet.
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I definately agree with you here... I'm sorry you feel hurt too, love and heartache, effort and those who break you all makes us sometimes want to give up. Pray is all you can do and to try and bring yourself out of it. If need to talk can message me anytime.
Thanks for entering. -
A wonderful poem...full of deep emotion! Lovely and so well said!
Blessings~
Az
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this has tons of emotion. I like the way it read. May I suggest though to center it. It would make it look better than just stuck to the side of the page. other than that though this is a great writen and thaks for entering it into my contest.
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This shows much pateince above all, as you grin and bare much, sounds like me really, and I bet you feel much better having waited and getting the small rewards you so much deserve. Good write!
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HOODWINKED
sorry that i am late
i like the ending, it is like a dramatic ending to a play.
i also like how musical this sounds.
LXF
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Hood-Winked!
I don't like the part 'I need carried that extra length' - it doesn't make too much sense grammatically... apart from that however, this is another amazing poem... I still really like the ay you rhyme, the flow of your lines is impeccable
this is a sad poem... but as before, the message of hope and strength shines through your words beautifully...
Keep writing
Polly -
HOOD-WINK!
Sad and emotional...some people can never really understand, unless it's happened to them...the immense pain of a loss is very hard to endure and to express...you have shown us a deeply personal sadness, that has affected you tremendously, and your hurt and pain can be heard screaming silently from these words...
A very profound poem/prayer which touched me...I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts dear poet...I hope you find writing is helping
Good rhyme and flow, thank you for sharing this personal piece with us, and congratulations on being awarded an HM
You have been hood-winked by a Bandit
All the very best...~Lilac
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Hoodwinked
This is very sad and full of grief and I am sorry for the pain that you and your family are enduring right now. I know it can't be easy for you. Your strength and courage through this is very admirable as your conviction that God will help you through this. Remember what they say, He doesn't give us more than we can bear." Sometimes we think otherwise but if you notice, somehow we always seem to make it through
You and your will remain in my thoughts and prayers Any suggestions for this are the same I offered in your last piece I commented on
You've been Hoodwinked
Congrats on the HM. Be well and be blessed
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Wow, this is powerful piece. Keep your faith strong. He will never leave you. God is always there.
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HOODWINKED
Congrats you have been selected to be hoodwinked (as if you didnt already know)
wow this is a beautiful piece its so sad but i like how it turns that pain to god for relief its a sorrowful heartfelt plea and it stikes the soul
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HOODWINKED !!!
sunflowers21573,
This is a well written poem asking for divine intervention in helping to cope with problems that threaten to consume. Your faith shines through even in this difficult situation and you have placed your hope and confidence in the Right place! HE is able to see you through the storms. Well Done!
You have been Hoodwinked today by the Poetic Bandits because WE CARE!
Dennis
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Hoodwinked
This is very good... I mean, for the miserable and weak it is only this faith that would bring in sunshine in their lives everyday. Life would really be bleak without the 'hope' that comes through God. N i liked this line particulary...
"We lean on you with all our might"
Keep writing... U are truely genuine...
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Hood winked!!!
Wow! I love the spiritual touch to this. A conversation with the One above spoken out from the heart....a prayer kind of thing that lets you feel like you are connected to something really really Divine.....constantly in life, it's something like this that keeps the tough going~
Very nice!!!
You have been hoodwinked by the Poetic Bandits!!!
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HOOD-WINKED!
He will give you the strength that you need for He is your strength,He is your God.
This was a great poem and there are times when we must just let go and let God because He said that He would fight for us.
It is also a good idea to just follow what He said(everything)>
I love your faith in God.
...Simply Me♥ -
Oh my god! This is such an excellent write. I can almost see you and your kids kneeling beside the bed, reciting this as your bedtime prayer. As far as emotion and imagery go, this is perfect. I have but one suggestion...
I won't stay strong real long----> I won't stay strong for long.
Tried reading it with the rest of the line... flowed a little easier.
Anyways dear friend, off to read your other poem! Beautiful work of art, this one.
~*DJ*~
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This is a very touching and heartfelt write!
Every line flows smoothly from one to the next and it has a great rythm.
(Only one typo serrated).
A very personal poem and very well written!
Good Job and keep up the writing!
Blessings~ Nicole
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