Place
a comma between
our lips,
wait
for an echo in
my eyes
of metaphor
and moment
to attach
with a kiss.
Author notes
prompt: the most beautiful thing in music is silence
as pause is in poetry
A contest entry
- 22 words or less - 3 days by Namita.
300 points, ended November 8, 2007, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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This is as close to perfect as we usually get, the kind of piece you'd expect to find in good anthology.
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Read this one before, yet I had to come back and read this again!
MY FAVORITE POEM ON AP!!!!
Becks -
ah i di not look to see what won gold but i will say you were robbed
this is fantastic, all these little pieces can be blended
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Outstanding
This is one of those quiet classics that speaks volumes with but a few words. Yours is a most subtle and profound talent.
I am speechless, breathless, and in awe. What muse this that gives us such poetry? You spin the classics with every word and pause.
Thank you.
CaliOkie
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Oh my another one! This was just too hot! Wow I loved it. Could feel that moment just before lips join together and two eyes meet.
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Excellent
What a creative and well done. Poem. Congratulations on the bronze.
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i've got a whole poem about nothing but the pause
that is irrelevant
i love the comma
it is placed perfectly
and such a straight shot home as to why this is such a well grounded metaphor.
I like your love poetry
I don't like most love poetry.
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This poem got stuck in my head... Had to come back to read it again! Really beautiful!
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witty and wonderful.
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Oh this is simply stated the most beautiful thing I have read in a long time....its an understatement of such a profound though....i am book marking this! This is a gold in my book!
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oh wow...
this is so stunning!
I cannot believe this poem is not wearing gold!
I love your how mind weaves such beauty into one moment...of epic impact...
Beautifully penned!
Blessings! Tammy
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Simply Great!
Clear and cleaver like just about every other piece I've read from ya
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Such a lovely monent of silent stimulation...congrats on your trophy Ms. March
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gentle, very beautiful feel to this..congrats on a well deserved win
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A comma within lips. WOW. Tara it is. I can understand.
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So very beautiful,
You are truly gifted, and I'm happy to be able to read your words from your well expressed, creative soul. Peace, and may you continue to shine on. This is just lovely!
-Timothy
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I love that: 'comma between our lips'
This is delicate, and beautifully done. Excellent.
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The "wait" is an effective pause. I did have to read it several times to gather a clear meaning though. Good thing you didn't use a colon. That would be gross.
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LOL
Thanks
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OOOI!!!!
This was so beautiful!!!!!
Thank you so much for sharing this with me! Wow!
To place a comma between your lips... mmmmm sounds kind of sensual!!!
Becks
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Wow! I like the metaphor you rendered here my friend. The personification made on the given prompt is absolutely phenomenal.
I can see a trophy on this one
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thanks, Hensley
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I love this...especially
'We place a comma
between our
lips'
fits the prompt perfectly and is just a brilliant metaphor. Excellent!
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Hi Jersene, thank you
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caesura, what better way to express this..a comma between lips..so clever
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ahh you took
my breath away lol....melt me now...with some more beauty...or should I just look at your lovely face?
love this supple feel you bring...
Mal
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metaphor...
Then pause I shall... Beautiful work my friend, displaying great insight. Well done! Good luck in the contest!
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this is excellent
divine imagery
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beautiful!
I don't know what else to say, just marvelous!
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This is really pretty, it is beautiful, and very poetic. It flows wonderfully, and has a deep mystical quality, i think personification?. Well done. XxX
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